


The Mysterious Adventures of TACHIBANA TANAKA!

by TachibanaTanakaDaGreatestWriterInDaWorld



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 02:56:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5273864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TachibanaTanakaDaGreatestWriterInDaWorld/pseuds/TachibanaTanakaDaGreatestWriterInDaWorld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mysterious girl called Tachibana Tanaka (like in the title!) discovers she has super magic and maybe will become a magic girl! What will happen after that??? Read to find out more!!!!!!!!!!! In chapter 11: Sayaka stops being dead and Tachibana Tanaka makes a poem and Koala does sum annoying stuff at Sayaka when shes also not dead and Mami is mad at Tachibana Tanaka for reasons and says its over and Madoks thinks everyone's gone nuts which they have kind of but not really except for Sayaka who goes insane and bites an arm off. Homura isn't here again though. P.S.! Its da 1 year anniversary so its a super dramatic chapter this time!!!!!!!!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The mysterious adventure begins!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys I love pmmm and especially Mami so I decided to right a fic for it! Its going to be super long and cool so GET READY! PS Tachibana Tanaka is my oc.

Hi my name is Tachibana Tanaka and I'm 14 years old and have shimmering white hair which is also rainbow like a pearl and pale skin and deep red eyes like whine. I moved to Mitakihara to days ago with my mom from Tokyo which is the leader city in japan. I grew up in britein until I was like seven tho so I speak Japanese and eigo.

I went down the stairs at the moaning and eight toast and said 'hi mom'.

'Hai desu' she said. She's japense. My dad isn't head now but maybe hell be here later in the story. I rolled my eye thinking about dad. I have lots of angst thinking about him. He isn't around for a while so i was sad about it but i covred it up with cheerful. Everyone who no’s me says i'm really positive and never sad and always make everyone around me happy so that makes me happy to because im so nice.

I ate the toast and went outside to start going to school which was faraway. 'Shimmata im going to be late on my first day!' I screamed like a transfer student who was late which is wat i was. I ran real fast to schol with toast in my mouth like an anime character. Then i ran into somebidy.

'Ow' i said. There was a blond girl with drills coming out of her head standing there. She smiled at me sagely. 'You should be more careful next time.' she said and flew away on a magic ribbon dramatically.

I gasped then shrugged and started running to schools even faster. I can run really fast because im an athletes in the athletes club at school except im not anymore because i just moved school's so im not in the club anymore because i dont go to the school anymore so going to the club wood be weird. I havnt joined any clubs at the new school yet because i havent been there yet and im going there right now. Maybe ill join a club there lol.

I got to school. There was a ravenette girl standing by the gaye. She was eating candyfloss. It was a metaphor. She hairflipped at me and walked away. I swooned because she was so sexy then i went through the gate and went to my classroom. There was a teacher there talking about eggs, then i introduced myself by writing my name which is written with the kanji for beauty, god and mysterious. Then i bowed because thats wat we do in Japan. Everyone crapped in amazement and i sat down in a desk. It was next to a bluehead and she said 'hi'. 'Hi' i said back. Then we did work untol dinner. I was real hungry by then cause the teach kept talking about eggs. I ate an egg which a bird brought me (i have a physic connection with animals) then went to the food place and looked what to buy. I brought 5 rice balls and sat down. The bluehead and a pinkhead from my class came over and sat by me.

'Hi' they sed. 'Hi' i said back. 'Where are u from?' the small pink girl snargled at me.

'I came from tokyo but i lived in England before then' i replied. 'Wow thats so cool!' She screamed. 'Whoa chill madoka!' Sayaka lolled. 'Sorry she excitable.' 'Thats fine' i said because i didn't care. Sayaka finished her hotdog and said 'im going to get another hotdog' and went to get another hot dog. 'Boy sayaka-chan sure does love hotdogs!' Madoka wihihied. It was a metaphor. And foreshortening.

A greenhead came over then. 'Hi Madoka,' she said homophobically. I rolled my eyes on the inside because i don't like homophobes but i didn't want to get into a fight on my first day so i didn't sei anything yet. 'Hi hitomi' the pinette replied. Suddenly the sexy blacknette teleported ontop of the desk. 'Kaname Madoka if you value your life don't make legal contracts with animals.' she proclaimed sadly and with deep passion. I could tell that she'd seen some serious stuff in her short life...........OR MAYBE SHE WAS OLDER THAN SHE LOOKED? Then she teleported away.

'That was weird.' Hitomi said judgementally. I still didnt want to roll my eyes so i rolled my optic nerves instead on the inside.  
'Anyway hi Tachibana Tanaka you just new here. How are you settling in?' Hitomi said. 'Lol im fine the classes are easy and the people are friendly and maybe ill join a club.'  
'I see. We have quit a selection off clubs here like tea ceremony club and gardening. If u need any help choosing feel free to aks.' 'Ok.' I said. I eated the rice balls and sayaka eated her hotdogs and madoks ate something too then we went back to class and nothing interesting happed so its after school now. 

'Hey Tachibana Tanaka walk back home with us' Sayaka gargled. 'Sure why not' i retorted wisely. 'Wehihihi!' Shrieked Madoka.

We wacked. I had to wak not fast because they had shorter legs than me cos im only half japanish so only mami is the same high as me. I dont know who Mami is yet tho.  
SUDENLY! The world went all weird looking and the air turned like a mosache and the animation style changed and there was monsters and stuff theyre and we where the only peeps there.

'OMG!' Sayaka said. 'WTF is going on???' 

Madoka roared pinkly. 'Sayakachan what we do?'

'Everyone remain clam!' I screamed calmly. 'Maybe we breathed in some funny gas or something so lets chill and walk real slow out so we dont fall over and say 'ow'.

'Okay thats clever i wouldn't of thought of that' Sayaka sad. 'Gud thing ur here and are a genus.'

'Lol' i said. We walked through the funky place trying to get back to somewhere that looked like us but then a big monster appeared and it was green like stupid homotomi and had flowers on to.

'Oh no' i said sadly, 'were goning to die!'

'I'm too young to die,' Sayaka said indignantly. 'Me to,' Madoka agreed.

BUT THEN! 'Dont worry, i speak Italy sometimes!' a clever voice said from the sky. I looked up and saw a similar looking girl, but i didnt know who she was. She jumped down from on the sky and spake italy words and some funny looking guns came and shot the monster in the face and it winched and then she said some more Italian stuff and shot it with canon and it died and the animation went back to normal.

'Holy smokes!' I howled. 'That was some heavy stuff right there!'

The blondehead walked up to me and said 'thats all part of being a mahou shoujo which is what i am. Who are u?'

'Im Tachibana Tanaka and this is Madoka and sagaka and were not magic. DOES MAGIC REALLY EXITS?' 'Yes' she said. 'Oh ok.'

'Wow i cant believe it!' Sayaka sed, 'can u pull a rabbit out of your hat.' 'Kind off' mami said and pulled a weird looking white thing out of her hat. 'Hi im kyubey and...GASP! You have the most magical potential ive ever seen! U have to become a magic girl right now!'

He was pointing at...................ME!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, Tachibana Tanaka is magic!?!?!?!? Whats going to happen?????? Maybe she'll be a magical girl! Keep reeding 2 find out!


	2. Tachibana Tanaka thinks about things!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Tachibana Tanaka is magic??? Will she become a magical girl? Will anybody else? And wat will she wish for!? And them to. Read to find out!

I gasped in shok. 'I magic? That cannot be, i am just a normal medium school student!' I cried. 

'But i am an inucubaor and its my job to know theese things so i know your magic for shore.' he replied to me. 'Oh ok if your a magic detecting man i guess u must be write.' I said impressed. 'Wow i can't believe im magic! What do i do now to be a magic girl?'

'U have to make a wish and i make ur wish come tru and u get magic and fight magic monsters!' He chippered.

'Coolio.' I said.

'Wait a minute kyubey' mami said. 'U cant just jump her into it you haf to let her think about a good wish first.'

'Ok.' Kyubey said. 'By the way ur magic is so strong that u can wish for literary anything and get it. Also pink and blue are magic as well but nowhere near as strong so u can have wishes and become Magi but not as big wishes and your not as strong.'

'Bitchin!' Madoka screeched. 'Yeah totally!' Sayaka laughed. 'Lets think of cool wishes and do it all at ones!' 'Nice plan' i said.

Momi smiled wisely. 'Let us retire to my abode for the talking then.' She decred. 'There is cake and also tea there. We can think off wishes and eat and drink and also be friends and do friends stuff.'

We went to the house. It was a big house with big windows and not much stuff there or maybe there was actually alot i dunno lol. We all ate tea and drank cake and did girly talk then we got to talking abot the magics.

'I had not much time to think of a wish so it wasnt a very good wish so u should be careful with what you wish for.' Mami said from expresidents.

'ICT.' I said solomonly. 'I will bear that in mind.'

'HAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!' Madoka scramed suddenly. There was a sexy chick staring into the window like a creep! But then she went.

Mami poured more tea onto the plate. 'What do u think yule wish for?' she asked.

'I dunno yet. What abot you two?'

'I want a cake!' Madoka cackled.

'I might cure this guy i knows hand which is all smooshed up.' Sayaka said sadly.

'Wow that sucks for him', i said with sympathetic. 'How did that happened?'

'He hit a car.'

'Ow.' I said with sympathetic.

Then the girl from the window burst her head through the table! There was a silver platter where she bust her head thru so she was wearing it like a funny hat.  
'KANAME MADOKA THIS IS NOT HOW IT SEEMS! YOU MUST NOT CONTRACT OR YOU WILL BE IN DANGER! Oh and you too to.' she screamed monotonously. She pulled a big cake with lots of pink frosting out of her magic round thingy and splatted it in madokas face and she turned pink except her hair which was already pink so you couldn't tell. 'Yay a cake like i wanted!' Madoka squawked and licked her face. Then the mystery girl stood up thru the table and walked to the window wearing it but bits fell off and it breaked while she was walking and cake and tea splooshed all everywhere and she jumped out of the window.

'That was highly irregular,' Momi chomped perplexedly lapping the tea from on the floor.

Sayaka woked up then because shed felled asleep before the girl came and said 'wow u guys are messy eaters!'

We whipped ourselves off the tea and cake and got back to talking and then we ate some more cake that we pulled from Madokas face.

'You make a contract now?' Kyubey hastilied.

'No we need to think off a gud wish like momo said,' i said. 'Bye.' And then we left. We walked home and said bye then i went in my house.

'Tadaimashita obaasan' i said.

'Ok ironing' she said back.

I ate diner and went upstairs to bed and thot about magic.

'What should i wish 4?' I agonised. Then i conted a shoop and went to sleep.

 

I woke up and fort it was a dream! 'Damn i wish it wasnt a dream and that i really had supermagic' i thought sadly.

'BUT IT WASNT A DREAM!' A voice bellowed from on my pillow.

'Holy guacamole!' I screamed and punched the voice. Was it a creep!? No.

'Ow' said the voice. It was cubed! 'I came to see if u wish yet.'

'No not yet' i said and got dressed but i covered him with a bra first so he couldnt see. Then i ate toast again and ran to schol. Madoka and Sayaka and the green one where there. I rolled my eyes because of the green one. I used my psychiatric connection with animals to make a bird shit on her and she was sad and homophobic. We went to school and had classes and then its lunch.

Mumi came and said 'lets have lunch on the roof' telepathetly so we went to the roof and mated.

'This cake tastes great thanks Mami' i said. 'Your welcome' she said.

Madoka rofled. 'I love the cake! Thanks Mamisan!' 'Your welcome' she said. Then sayka sed the same thing and ate a hotdog.

'So wats up with that chick from yesterday do u no her Medoka?' I aksed.

'No' she said. 'Maybe shes mistaken me for someone else or something i dunno lol. But she gave me cake so im fine with this.'

'I see.' I said. IF ONLY I COD SPEAK TO THIS MYSTERIOUS GIRL AND FIND OUT WHAT IS HAPPENING! I thought.

Mami dropped a bit of cake at the floor then so she shot out her head drills and caught the cake with them and ate it.

'Hey ur that girl i ran into yesterday in the morning!' I ejaculated in surprise.

'Oh yes i fort u looked similar' Mami said back at me. 'What a coincidence!'

'Its a small world.' I said and we laughed insanely.

The sexy chick waked thru the roof door then and walked over to us and stopped walking in front of us and picked up Kyubey and put him in her shield.

'NO WISHING.' She said.

'Hey u creepy chick u cant tell us what to do!!' Sayaka hopped up and down screaming with angry.

'Now now sagaya, we should talk about this in a civalysed manner.' Mami proclamed. 'What u want mysterious girl?'

'NO WISHING!' She repeated but sadder and louder.

I took charge off the situation then!

'WHY DO WE NOT WISH FOR MAGIC AND FIGHT MONSTERS AND SAVE PEEPS LIVES AND GET WISHES!?' I screamed grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking real hard so her head was floppy because it's so big and her neck is small.

'Because! There are secrets which even Mami Tomoe dostnt know about poor ellen magica!'

'Like what?' Madoka asked.

'Madoka dont wish or you will die!' the blacknette sad.

'But why lol?' the pinkette asked.

'Because bad things will happen!'

'Like what?'

'Don't contract Madoks!' she proclaimed and jumped off the roof. Then she teleportation back cos she forgot about cubed and threw him at Sayaka but missed and Sayaka was even more angry.

'That girl makes me angry!' She angered fiercely.

'Im sure shes just misunderstood. I sense deep sadness in her heart. We should try to friend her!' I said.

'Oh yeah i guess your right.' Sayaka said and wasn't angry anymore. 'I try to friend her necks time.'

'Yes we should all make love not war because we are all magic girls soon and we have to work together to help each other and be friends.' Mami agrode.

Then we went back to class accept Mami who went to a different class because shes old. Then i noticed the the mysterious ravenette with black hair was in our class!

OMG, I thought, i dont belief it! How did i not realise sooner!

I whacked up to her and said 'hi'. She hairflipped at me and i got hair in my mouth and it was gross so i left.

I watched her the rest of the day. She was a genus like me and could do maths and stuff with numbers and letters and she could run real fast and jump high and do lots of other stuff too! I was impressed to see someone as good as me at numbers... but i was also jealous cos she was so gud at everything.

While me and sayaka and madoka were walking back home i sighed a bit.

'Sigh, i wish i was good at lots of things too.' I said.

Then Kyubey jumped out from behind a bush!

'Tachibana Tanaka your wish has overcome entropy!' He said.

'Wait what?' I said.

And then i was a magical girl.

'Aw man!' I said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow what just harpooned!? Tune in next month to find out wattle happen because of what just happened!!!!!


	3. Everyone goes magicalling and stuff happens there!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tachibana Tanaka sees a caterpillar!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi mina I know I said that this would be next month, but I had a brainwave and finished the chapter tonight instead! But some people will read it next month anyway so it still counts. The next chapter is next month though cos I haven't wrote it yet.

I stood there magically.

'OMFG Kyubey i didnt want that as my wish!' I screamed in shock. 'It was like an expression!'

'Too bad no takebacks.' he said.

'I could of like made world pies with my wish! This is so bad!' I gnashed with sad.

'Dont worry, now that ur god with lots of things u can just make world pies by being good at diplomatics and polytics and stuff and your even hotter now so you can seduce the presidents and stop them from lunching nuclears.' Madoka cheered me.

'Oh yesh i guess.' I mumbled but i was still annoyed. I looked down at me. My clothes where magic and changed. I was wearing a long drees which flood down around my ankles. I was wearing high heelies with a three inch heel with wing things coming out of them. My dress was wight but there was grey highlights on the gloves which were elbow length and also my shoes. This represents the sad bits of my soul. My hair was real long now to and i was like 4 inches toller and my breasts were bigger and there was a teardrop shapped hole in my dress where they were. I had no weapon because im so nice and not violet. Then i changed my clothes and hair and tall back so not magic peeps couldnt see.

'Oh well wats done is done.' I said wisely. 'Yuppers!' cackled the pinkette.

We started wacking home again but the bluenette werent following us!

'Hey sayaka why you still there?' I sad.

Sayaka was staring at me all red like. She spazzed when i said to her and she was all like 'uh i got to go do stuff now and also im not gay' and then she went.

'Okay bi.' I said.

Me and madoks wacked home. I saw her parents. 'Hi.' I said. 'Hi.' they said back. 'Goo goo ga ga.' said Tatsuya and i said 'hi' to him to. Then i went to mumis hose.

'Hi.' I said. 'Hi.' she said back. Then we sat down.

'I said i wish something as an expression but cubed took it literary and now i magic.'

'Two bad.' Momi said sagely. 'He naughty sometime. I wont give him cak tonite.'

'Good.' I said grumbly. 'What u wish for?' She axed. 'To be good at lots of stuff.'

'That sounds handy.' 'Yeah i guess.'

'Can you add up big numbers now?' 

I thot in my head. I did lots of theoretical physics without a calculator. 'Yup.' I said.

'Nice.' she said informally. 'By the way i used to have a kohigh but we fell out and she had brick hair. If you c anyone like that tell me and i deal with it.'

'K.' I said.

'I was going to take u and Madoka and Sayaka out toomorrow to do some magical girling with me but i guess u dont need to now.' She sais wryly. 'U shud come anyway though because two hats are better than one.'

'But i dont have a hat lol' i said.  
'Then u should make one because hats are very spiffy.' she proclaimed poshly.

'Ok' i said. Then it was late and i left. I went home and didnt tell mom i was magic and went to slepnir.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up and made a hat. It was a magic hat. It was a motorcycle helmet for protection and it was black for contrast with dress which is white. I used my psychic connection with animals to make a bird of paradise give me some feathers to decorate it with. It was spiffy. Then i went to school. Not much happened except Homotomi was there and homophobic so i made a bird shit on her bento and she was sad and then I made a pig chase her.

After schools me and Mami and Madoka and Sayaka went magicalling.

'I hope i can fight useful.' I mused in worriment. 'Don't worry everyone is nervous their first time. Just follow me and i show u how to do it.' Mami smiled at me. 'K.' I said.

Mami showed me how to use soul gem as a magic witch detector. It went 'beep boop' and led us to a hospital.

'OMFG this is the hospital where kamenjoe is at!' Sayaka said angruly. 'We haf to kill da witch!' 'Thats what we here for!' I teased her. She went red again and said 'yeah thats totally radical.'

Then we went into the barrier...but when we where in the blacknette came behind us and said 'This which is dangerous Tomoe Mami. I kill it for you.'

Mami got annoyed then. 'Now you listen here you meddling girl ive had just about enough of you being mysterious and appearing in places and coming into my house and breaking my tables and tee and cake! I dont know who u r and neither does kyubey and your very suspicious and stalking so go away!'

'No.' She said.

'Very well then u leaf me no choice.' Mami frowned and tied her up in ribbons and hung her.

'Darn u Tomoe Mami.' She said monotonously.

'Hey u weird girl do i know u because u keep telling me but not the others to not wish.' Said Madoka. 'Oh and whats ur name? I was sleep when da teach introduced u before she introduced Tachibana.'

'My name is............................Akemi Homura. And u dont no me.' She replied. 'don't wish BTW.'

'What about me?' said Sayaka.

Homura tried to shrug but she couldnt because she was in bondage. 'Yeah u too.' She said boredly. 'I can take it or leave it tbh.'

'Wow thats rude.' Sayaka angered.

'Now now, lets all clam down.' I said benevolently. 'Im sure we can handle one witch Homura Akemi so dont worry and stay hung then we let you down when we get back and you stop mysteriousing and we be friends.'

'U should make Madoka stay and keep an eye on me so i cant escape.' She said slyly but i wasnt foaled.

'Nice try lol.' I said and then mami wrapped her up in like 200 billion trillion ribbons so she couldn't run to places.

Then we whacked. The labyrinth was all funky like b4 and there was sabaku and hospital stuff. I thot it was cymbalic......AND I DID NOT YET KNOW HOW WRITE I WAS!

'Wow this magic baseball bat is totally bodacious!' Sayaka gibbered. 'Your welcome.' Said mami whood given her but not Madoka a magic stick to hit things with.

'Can i have a magic gun mamisan?' Said Madoka.

'Ok.' Mami declared.

'Coooool!' Madoka cackled and shot the uzi at some stuff and made it fall.

'How i fight without weapon senpai?' I asked the blondenette sadly.

'Dont worry it will come to u if u look into your heart.' She said wisely.

'But i dont want to dissect myself alive.' I thought gloomyly, but didnt say so so she didnt think i was a womp.

Then some small monsters came! Mami magiced them and Sayaka hit them and Madoka uzied them. It was cool. Then we saw something that looked like a boss room!

'U two aren't magic so wait here while we magic people c if the witch is in here.' Mami said to the aoinette and pinknette. 'K.' They said.

We walked into the next plaice. It was a bridge with drugs raining on it.

I got exited at the thot of fighting along with senpai. 'Mami ur so coal and so is being a mahou shoujo!' I squealed. 'Lets be tomodachi forever!'

Then Mami stopped whacking. Her head went to the floor.

'But being a mahou shoujo can be a burden'. She said grimly. 'I havent had time for friends or playing since i became a witch in the car crash except for my old kohigh who is gone now.'

Then she started crying and water fell out of her eyes. 'Protecting the peeps in this shity is a heavy birdon which wheys on me daily.' She sadded.

I felt a rush of emoticon and picked her up. 'Mamisan i dont know your birdon yet but i will share it from now on.' I said sincerely. 'You are (not) alone! If u want me to share it that is...' i said shyly and modestly.

'That wood make me so happy!' Mami choced and hugged me like an antlion gripping its pray. Then we went over the crepey bridge. She threw her head through the door and looked. 

'I can c the witch!' She exclamed. 'Go and fetch the others!'

I ran to where the others were. Madoka and Sayaka were playing bait the familiars, but they were using Kyubey as da bait!

'This is animal abuse.' Kyubey said whitely.

'OMG u guyz dont do that arimasen!' I screamed. I took Kyubey down. 'U poor thing! I feel a deep bond with u!'

'Ok.' Cubed said and walked to mami. 

'Dont do that again.' I scalded them and they said 'ok' guiltily.

We met with mami. She was in a good mood because of wat i said so she was killing things. Cool Italy music was playing in the background and she spun and shot things and walked them with the guns and made more guns appear and then shot them some more. She did a cool pose too. Then she saw da witch! It looked like a toy with a sweet rapper for ahead.

'Tachibana Tanaka u stay there and watch and learn how to fite!' She roared and thought the witch. She shot it and dodged it and kicked it in the face and it fell then she shot it in the head. Then she picked it up with ribbons and threw it in the hair and got ready to speak italy to kill it....BUT!

IT CHANGED FORM! AND IT WAS SCARY! AND IT HAD BIG TEETH! AND IT WAS A CATERPILLAR WITH POLKA DOTS! AND IT WAS GOING TO DEFENESTRATE HER!!!!!!

'NOOOOOOOOOÔOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' I said.

I teleported over to her which i can do because i wished to be good at lots of things and dived in front of her dramatically! THE WITCH BIT ME INSTEAD!

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' Said mami and madoka and Sayaka.

But i was ok! I was really strong because off wish and i forced the caterpillars mouth open! BUT! IT BROKE MY HAT AND I WAS SAD! ‘Darn my hat!’ I grumbled.

I picked up mami bridle style and jomped away with her.

'That was close 4 both of us lol.' I said.

'Oh Tachibana-san you saved my life! Thank u so much!' She kreed.

I put her on a big table which was there.

'Let me handle this!' I said dramatically. Mami swooned.

I jumped over to the witch and stood in front of it. It glared at me and tried to bite...but i was to strong! I ripped out two teeth and duel wielded them. The watch was angry now. I jumped behind it and grabbed its tail and slammed it into the floor real hard then used my hands to rip it in half. It was real angry then! It flew around and i punched it away. I punched it and punched it and punched it and punched it some more and roundhoused it too, but then it headbutted me and i fell over but I flipped back up! It dove at me and i jammed one of the tooth in its eye! Then i jumped in the air and aimed at it with my kick and slammed the tooth through its eye into the brain and it DIED! I went with the tooth though so it was gross and i had to punch my way out.

'That poor creature.' I said sadly. I dont like hurting things because im so nice so i was a bit sad. Then i remembered it was evil and killed peeps and didnt care anymore. Then it exploded suddenly! 2000 gallons of blood and also strawberry jam exploded into the room and everything went all red. I was worried we might drown but but then the labyrinth disseapeared and so did da blood so it was fine.

'OMG TACHIBANA THAT WAS THE GROOVIEST THING IVE EVER SEEN!' Sayaka shouted and hugged me.

'Yeah your the coolest!' Madoka snarkled and hugged me to  
.  
Mami whacked up then. 'Thank you Tachibana sama, i was almost a gonner. U are very strong indeed, Kyubey was right about u.'

'It was nothing.' I lolled.

'Ew were all red and sticky from the witch!' Sayaka mumbled.

'Its too bad that theres blood in the jam or we could make a cake from the witch!' Madoka cackled.

'Oh Madoka ur such a character!' I said and we all laughed.

We went back to Mami's house to clean up and she baked us a non-witch cake and we ate it and had a sleepover! It was the best day ever!  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BUT THEN! When i was asleep i had a dram! It was about a girl..........A BRICKNETTE GIRL!!!!!! She was on a bus and eating pocky. She grinned spookily. 'I think its about time i payed a visit to my old chum Mamisenpai.' She said violently. Then she bit a pockys head off.

I woke up and gasped. 'OMG...a bricknette who said mamisenpai...that must be momis kohigh! I must have had a premature ignition!' Then i went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mamis not dead! Because shes my favourite and I didn't want to kill her. But maybe the bricknette will kill her instead!? I hope not and its my fic so I don't think she'll be able to unless she does.


	4. Its as roman titanic as Romeo and Juliet, accept noone dice!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some secrets are said and not! And also Sayaka is jealous and blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi mina its next month now so I wrote a chapter! This one is super exciting and some mysterious secretes are mentioned, so maybe don't read it if u need to be clam? Mamis in this one because of reasons and Homura is too and so is Madoka and Sayaka but not Kyoko.

I woke up. I thought to myself 'I will not tell Mami about my prophecy yet becos she almost just died and she is stressed and does not need more stress!' so i didnt tell her. The others woke up then.

'Good morning Mina-san!' I said Japanesely. Mina means everyone in Japanese.

'Ohayo gozaimashita.' They said back also Japanesly because they are Japanese.

'I will cook us breakfast.' Mami said domestically.

'Yeah, brekkie! I love brekkie!' Madoka cackled like a gremlin.

'Me too.' Sayaka agreed. 'Do u have any sausages Mami-san?'

'I have lots off things including sausages. I will cook a full English breakfast today to honour Tachibana who is half English for saving my life and also yours because the which wood have killed you next too.'

'Cool.' Said Sayaka.

'Thanks.' I said.

Mami cooked breakfast and we ate it. It was good.

'Welp, better go to school now!' Madoka shrieked.

'Yeah lets go.' Agreed Sayaka.

'Wait i don't think u should go today Mami,' i said to the yellowhead. 'You had an intense trauma so u should chill for a while and recover so u don't get a PTSD. Also i shod stay to take care of you.'

Mami tutted. 'Well i shouldn't really...but since you are god at lots of things which must be medicine as well i will defer to your wisdome.' So she stayed.

'K then bye u too we'll come around later!' Madoka said and went. Sayaka locked jelous, BUT I DID NOT REALISE THAT AT THE TIME! Then she went to.

'I guess its joust u and me now!' I said so i made her some tee.

She drank it and said 'thanks for the tee gochisosama.'

'Your welcome lol.' I said back.

She started crying then.

'Nobody has mad tea for me since my momi died and also my dad,' she cried sadly as lachrymal essence fell out of her eyes onto the floor and got it wet.

'Now now, this is just a reaction to ur trama.' I said wisely. 'Don't get the floor wet. But u are not alone anymore, so don't cry water now. Your parents would wont u to be happy.'

'Yeah i guess.' She said and felt better. 'I still miss them though and i wish that i had thot to use my wish to save them as well as me but i didnt think at the time because i was dying.'

'I see. Now i understand why u counselled me to be careful with my wish,' I said with revalation.

'Yeah.' She said.

We went quiet and angsted for a bit. I felt sorry for her and seed her in a new light and also she was hot so i wanted to cheer her up and increase my romance gauge with her.  
I leaned over and touched her shoulder comfortingly.

'I'm sorry your parents are dead,' I said seductively.

'Me too.' she agreed. Then we made out!

I made out with her hard and jumped on her and she wrapped her arms around my back and we thudded to the floor and maked out some more. I stuck my tongue in and so did she. It was very sexy. Then we stooped.

'Is it really okay to make out with my junior mahou shoujo?' she pondered.

'Sure.' I said.

'Ok.' She said and then we made out some more. Then it was time for sexy times!

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When wed finished sexy timing five hours later (we could do things for a long time because we're magic lol) she baked a cake and we eated it.

'Well that sure was some exercise.' I said funnily.

'It certainly was,' she replied sagely. 'You r so good at sexing that u should get a world record Tachibanasama,' she gushed in impressed. 'It was the best five hours of my life and now im not afraid of anything anymore.'

'Cool,' i said modestly. I knew she was right but i didnt want her too think i had a big head.

We chilled for a while... BUT THEN I REMEMBERED SOMETHING!

'Oh shimatta kuso!' I screamed prophanely. 'We forgot to untie that mysteerious girl Homura Akemi from the rib bones where we hung her!'

'Oh dear.' Mami said despondently. 'I hope she isnt mad about it.'

We went to da hospital and looked for her. We were gfs now so we held hands and skipped there. She was there and still hung so we let her down. She dissipated suddenly!

'OMFG WHERE DID SHE GOO!?' I screamed but then she came back after 52 seconds.

'OMFG WHERE WHERE YOU WHEN U DISAPPEARED RIGHT THEN!?' I howled.

'I had to go to the toilet because u left me tied up in a billion trillion ribbons for lots of time units.' She said monotonously but also annoyedly and like someone who knew a lot about time science.

'Oh yeah sorry we forget about you cos Mami almost got her head bit and i had to kill da witch and then we went and slept then sexyed for five hours lol.' I said goatishly.

'Ugh TMI much?' She mumbled and rolled her eyes all valley girl like. 'But i c u r not ded. That is very improsive for a bayonet. Omedetoe.'

'Thanks lol. NOW WHY DO U NOT WANT MADOKS TO CONTRACT AND HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING US AND STARING INTO WIDOWS LIKE A CREEP MYSTERIOUS GRILL?'

'That is something that i cannot yet share,' she said deeply. I rolled my eyes.

'Look as my mom says a problem shared is a problem halved so u should tell me the problem so i can fix it which i can because i wished to be good at lots of things okay?' I said benevolently.

The ravenette looked convinced. 'I has not trusted people with my past for a long time because i decided i wouldn't rely on anyone anymore......but i see that u are more trustworthy and powerful and cool than anyone else i have magiced with! I sense i can trust you so i will tell u my secrets..........BUT! Only if we are alone!!!' she said.

'Okay.' I said. 'Hey mami u go and stand over there so u cant hear this girls mysterious secrets.'

'But we are only just girlfriends so i dont want to be away from u for a single millinanosecond!' Said mami clingily.

'Oh my god that isnt even a real time unit you foolish fool.' Homura mumbled and rolled her eyes real hard.

'Hey u cant talk to my gf like that!' I said scareily.

'Ok im sorry.' She said because she knew i was super strong and didnt want to fight me becos she knew shed get beat.

'Good,' I said. 'But dont worry honeymuncchkin, i'll only be a minute.' I said to mami and smooched her.

'Okay,' she said sadly but understandingly and went and stood away.

'NOW TELL ME YOUR SECRETS MYSTERIOUS GIRL!' I flailed.

'Okay. The reason i don't want Madoka to make a contract and become a magical girl is.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................'

'Yes tell me the secret behind your anomalouse existence and what secrets you know!' Said Kyubey sticking his head up out of a dumpster suddenly.

Homora looked angry then. 'AHA! U were walking for Kyubey to get my secrets all along! I shud have known better than to rely on anyone anymore!' She angered. Then she went.

'OMFG cubed why did u do that when i was just about to friend her!? Now she will never truce me!' I said gnashing my teeth.

'Soz.' He said.

'Wait why r u here!? R u following me like a creepy dude?' I said superstitiously.

'No.' He said 'i was following the blacknette to discover her secrets because i think she might be dangerous and we can not trust her. I thunk her plan is to kill all magic mofos and also me who makes magic so she is the only magic person left so she can take over the world!'

'OMFG...' I said intellectually. 'I can't believe i misread her and she was actually not good but evul all along....BUT COULD U BE WRONG??'

'No.' He said.

'Darn.' I said snapping my fingers.

Mami ran over and hugged me. 'Are you ok darling snooky!?' She said worriedly. 'I was worried about u being alone with that mysterious girl!'

'I'm fine lol.' I said. 'U shouldn't worry about me becos my wish made me good at lots of things like not dying or getting beat up and stuff.'

'That is true, but it's only normal to worry abot the people I love.' She said blushing red and looking not at me. 'I love you Tachibana Tanaka!' She said loveyly.

I was surprised but also happy and i said 'OMG I loaf u too!' and i kissed her for twenty minutes.

'I just dont get it.' Said kyoobe when we stopped. 'Anyway im going to go follow that girl and maybe other girls around now. Bye.' And then he went.

'Oh well at least we stopped hanging her so we didnt end up making her thirsty to death.' I sed looking on the bright side. 'That is true.' Mami agrode.

We went home then. It was late so it was after schol so Madoka and Sayaka where already there. 'Hi' me and Mami said. 'Hi.' They said back. Then we sat down.

'Me and Mami remembered that we never let that mysterious grill down from the rib bones so we went to da hospital and let her down and talked to her too.' I said informatively. 'Oh yeah i 4got about her!' Madoka hollered. 'What she say?'

'She was about to tell me her mysterious secrets, but then cubed jumped from a dumpster and she got mad and loft,' i said gloomly. 'But also Kyubey thinks shes actually evil and wants to kill us all and take over da world!'

'I new it!' Sayaka screamed and punched the floor in existential rage and broke the carpet.

'Awww, thats so lame! I wanted us to be friends and picnic and make 20 cakes and be magic!' Madoka screamed sadly.

'There there.' Said Mami.

'I never troosted that hair flipping maniac!' Sayaka growled like an angry smurf.

'Im sorry i did not take your concerts more seriously.' I said tragically. 'I will defer to your suspicious suspicions from now on.'

'Really! Oh ok if u want to i guess.' Said Sayaka and blushed and held her hands together in front of her face and giggled and turned side to side and goggled some more.

'Lollololol' said Madoka and grinned like an olm on laughing gas.

Sayaka wented redder and sat down.

'Anyway wat should we do? We cant let this mysteerious girl kill peeps and take over da world.' i said denominatorly.

'That is true, being killed would be bad for us.' Mami said sagely.

'I'm still too young to die.' Sayaka muttered. 'Yuppers, me too still,' Madoka aquised.

'Theres only 1thing for it,' i said dramatically. 'We have to.....................TRAPEZE HER!!!!'

Mina gasped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SMOKES, TACHIBANA AND MAMI ARE TOGETHER NOW!?!?!? I don't belief it, except I do cos I wrote it! The next chappy is going to be in 3 weeks cos I'm going to write it really hard. See you then and thanks for reading my story!


	5. Some lovey stuff happens and also action!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tachibana Tanaka and Mami go on a DATE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys heres a new chapter! This one is my favourite cos its super romantic but it also has ACTION so its not boring! Also I like riting this story a lot so Im going to write like 20000 chapters of super awesome romance and action and mysterying so look forward to them okay???????????????????????

Mami was perplexing. 'But how will we trap her when she can dissipate?' She quarried.

'I will have to come up with a clever plan.' I mused, stroking my chin like I had a beard even tho i didn't. 'I may have to use theoretical physics to do it, but by jove ill do it u mark my words!'

'Whos Jove?' Mami said jelosly.

'It's just an expression lol' i said and smooched her.

'OMFFG OMG WTF OMG!' Screamed Madoka histronically.

Sayaka looked real jelouse, BUT I STILL DID NOT REALISE! I thot she had gas or something lol.

'So r u 2 like together now?' She said.

'Yup! Pretty great huh?' I said.

'Oh yeah totally groovy.' She mumbled. 'But i have to go and visit kameltoe now so bye.' She said going.

'Bye' said mina.

'Anyways, lets think up psychedelic traps!' Madoka shouted banging the table.

'Ok.' I said back.

We thot of traps for a while. But then the sun went away!

'Oh snappers i gotta go so my parents dont freak the frick out!' Madoka screamed. 'Byesies!'

'Do u want me to go or stay?' I assked momi.

'Its not like id mind if u stayed.' Mami said like a sundere.

'Ok lol,' i said and i phoned mom. The phone went BREEEE BRUUUUH BRUUUUH and then it answered.

'Hai desu' mom sed.

'Konitchywa obaa-san watashi wa Mami-san no ue ni yomimasu ka?' I asked.

'Hai, oyasumi.' She sed and hung up.

'She says its fine lol.' I told Mami.

'Yay!' She said.

Then we sexed again and held hands and watched a sad movie and cried and brushed each others hair like girlfriends do. Then we went to sleep. We didn't count sheep though lol we counted each other jomping over fences cos were in love.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning we waked up. It was Saturday so we didn't haf to go to school!

'Lets go on a date' i said so we went on a date. We went to an Italy restraint and eated spaghetti and did da thing from laddy and da tramp, then we saw a movie and went for a long wak on the beach.

'Oh Tachibana Tanaka u r such a wonderful girlfriend!' Mami said when we were going to da amusement park.

'Ur great too lol' i said romanticaly.

We went in da Haunted Hose and Mami screamed and jumped into my arms lots but i didn't bcos im hardcore. Then we went into the tunnel of love and made out, then we went on a rollar coaster and screamed including me cos it was super high lol.

Then we went on da tea cups!

'It's too bad that real tea cups r not this big.' Mami said like a person who really liked tea and wanted to drink a giant cup of it.

'Yeah' i said.

We spon around in da cups...BUT THEN I SAW SOMETHING! Da sexy mysterious girl was also in a tea cup! She span around and looked at us and also not at us.

'OMG look over there but don't look so she cant c u,' i mumbled.

Mami gasped. 'Wat is she doing?' She mused. 'Maybe she will attack us!'

'Dont worry baby i protect you.' I said bravely. Mami swooned.

The ride stopped. We got out and so did the sexy chick!

'What r u doing here??' I said dramatically, pointing my finger at her.

She rolled her eyes. 'Uh, I'm riding on the teacups? I thought that was obvious u treacherous traitor.' She accused.

I gasped. 'How dare u!' I exclaimed. 'U r the bad one! But why wood u be on the teacups???'

'Because I like them. Its not a crime.' She said and flipped her hair all everywhere. 'Every1 needs a hobby and this is mine.'

'But u werent even smiling so were u even enjoying it???' I said like a prosecutor.

Homura looked offended. 'Excuse u this is just the way my face is. Dont be so rude.' She said and smiled even more not.

'Ok im sorry,' I said.

'Good. Im going on the tee cups again......if thats alright with you.' She said all sarcastically like and then went back on them again and spun and still wasnt smiling.

'Oh well it takes all sorts i suppose.' I said wisely.

'But this is a good opportunity snookums,' Mami said to me. 'We can try 1 of our traps now!'

'Oh yeah i didnt think of that,' i said. 'Thank u hunnybun.' Then we went to make a trap.

34 minutes later the mysterious girl stopped riding on da tee cups. She went to buy some candy floss........BUT SHE DID NOT REALISE THAT I HAD PREDICTED THIS! Because id seen her eating it by the gate back at school lol.

She said 'One candyfloss please' to the guy selling them and he gave her one........BUT IT WAS A TRAP! She licked it but i used magic to make it super duper sticky. Her tongue got stuck and she tried to pull it out...but then i made the wind blow with magix! Her hair got stuck all in it and so did her clothes because i used theoretical psychics to make it so that there was actually way more candyfloss than it looked like but lots of da candyfloss was hidden in another dimension and only came into our dimension when i made it and it engulfed her and she couldn't see and she flailed a bit and then fell down and almost got sucked into da other dimension which wood have killed her because theres weird physics and spooky geometry there and also eldritch abominations. I shut da portal in time though lol.

'Lets get her!' I screamed and me and mumi went to get her...but she dissapeared b4 we cod get there!

'Darn it!' I screamed. 'I thought we had her in our nefarious clutches for sure!'

'Dont worry snookums we can try again next time.' Mami said sagely and patted my head.

'Lol.' I said.

We killed da candyfloss which was possessed by weird stuff now so that it wouldnt kill peeps. Then we saw Homura again! She was wearing different clothes now because her others were dirty and also possessed by creepy things. She set da clothes on magic fire though so it was fine. I scanned her with magic to see if she was also possessed but she wasn't so i didn't kill her.

She went and brought more candyfloss and ate it and it didn't swallow her so she was happy but still didnt smile. Then she went and roller coastered! Da roller coaster went real fast around the tracks but she still didnt change her face. We'd already set a trap so we waited for it to get her. When da coaster was at the top waiting to fall i went into action! I made a swarm of butterflies fly in and pick her up and carry her away to us! But she bribed da butterflies with bits of non evil candyfloss from in her teeth and they flew away from us and put her down somewhere else.

'Darn it u wishy washy butterflies who can be bribed so easily!' I bellowed angrily.

'She is very tricky to capture.' Mami chomped in deep thought and drank some tea.

'This calls for drastic measures' i said dramatically. 'We will have to threaten that witch she cares about the most.........THE TEACUPS!'

Mami gasped in horror. 'Tachibana Tanaka i can not let u do this! Tea cups r sacred and so is tea!'

'Dont worry lol' i said. 'I won't really put da tee cups in danger, ill just make her think they are!'

'Oh ok then.' Said momi.

We planned then. When wed came up with a plan we went and did it.

'Hahahaha, I'm going to kill all of these tea cups!' I roared and shot fire at them and made peeps run away screaming and made some tea cups burn.

'Me too.' Said Mami and Italyed them and made them explode.

Homura teleprompted over to us! 'Oh my god what r u doing!? My precious tee cups! And ur setting random peeps on fire too u insane girls!' She screamed.

'Like i care lol' i said mysteriously.

'I'm sick of life.' Said Mami.

'It's not like i care about these people or tea cups or anything, but i will fight u!' She said and we shot magic at each other. BUT THEN!

'Aha, i fooled u! This was a trope all along!' I said and i grabed her from behind even though i was in front of her!

'Wtf?' She said monotonously.

Then all the tee cups and people dissipated and we were in the carpark were no one cod c us!

'I illusioned you and now u r trapped!' I said victoriously.

'Darn.' She said. 'U tricked me.'

'That's because we are in love.' Mami said loveily.

'Whatever.' She said.

'Now confess ur evil plans or i'll beat it out of u!' I menaced.

'Ok please don't beat me up i have a heart condition and also glasses.' She said sadly.

'What no u don't.' I said.

Then she turned into sand!

'OMG WTF!!!???' I screamed in shock and confusion. 'Why is there sand???'

Then two tee cups fell on us and we were trapped!

'Ha. U are trapped under my tee cups.' A mysterious monotonous voice said. Whos voice was it!?!?!? It was Homuras.

'OMFG HOW CAN THIS BE WHEN WE TRICKED U!?!?' I wailed.

'Because! I knew it was u sending butterflies and spooky things at me all day when i was trying to enjoy my candyfloss and coasters so i spied on u when u weren't looking and heard ur evil plan and thought how to beat u.' She explained.

'Hey it wasn't an evil plan ur da evil one so ur plans r the evil plans!' I said.

'No im not.' She said.

'Yes u r.' I said back.

'Whatever, im going to ride on my tea cups some more. BTW i'm smiling right now but u can't see me. So there.' And then she went.

'Darn u u mysterious maybe smiling girl.' I warbled.

We sat under the tea cups sadly for an hour, but then we remembered that we're magic and used our magic to get out.

'Im sorry our date was ruined my beloved honeymunchkins.' I said, making out with her.

'But our date wasnt ruined,' she said surprisedly. 'I got to spend fun time with u and practice magic and making traps. Also pestering Homera was fun because shes evul and deserves it.'

'Oh yeah i guess ur right lol.' I said. 'It was pretty fun. But anyways its late so i should go home but i will walk u back home first in case she was lying about going on da tea cups and will actually do something evil instead!'

'My hero.' Mami swooned. Then we held hands and skipped home.

We got to her apartment. 'Goodnight.' I said. 'Goodnight.' She said back. Then we made out a bit and then i went.

'Hi mom.' I said in my house. 'Hi desu.' She said back. 'Anata ga arimashita?'

'Watashi to Mami wa Emi da omoshiroi kōen ni ittekimashita.' I said Japanishly.

‘Mami whos wa?' She asked. I googled and blushed. ‘Watashi no GF no desushīzu'!' I squealed. 'Omedetou.' She said. 'Thanks lol.' I said. Then i went to my room and went to sleep...but before i fell asleep i remembered that i hadnt told Mami about da prophecy yet!

'Oh well, im sure nothing will happen between now and tomorrow when i see her and will tell her.' I said wisely. Then i went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw no, the mysterious girl gotted away b4 they could get information about the evil pan she might have or maybe she doesn't!?!?!?!?!? Maybe they'll catch her next time tho or maybe they wont since theres going to be 200000 chapters and stuff!!!!! But the chappies are only going to be once a month from now on cos I have to come up with a plot. See u next time lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	6. Da bricknette strikes!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tachibana Tanaka wacks to places and crazy stuff happens on da way because of a bricknette and a greenhead and a metallichead and also a bear!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG THEYRE MAKING A PMMM THING NOW!!!!! AND THEY REALEASED DA TRAILER 3 DAYS AFTER I POSTED THE 1ST CHAPTER OF MY FIC EVEN THOUGH I ONLY JUST SAW IT! Maybe they were inspired by my fic???????????? I hope Tachibana Tanaka is in the movie, that wood be da coolest thing ever!!! ALSO! I got a tyrannosaurus for xmas!!! Now I can use lots more words and bigger ones to which will make my story even MORE exciting than it already is!!!!!!!

Nothing happened from then until i saw her! But then i forgot to tell her again.

'Darn u r so forgetful sumtimes Tachibana Tanaka!' I screamed and punched myself in da face. 'I will have to go over to Mamis place and tell her now.' She'd gone home from school earlier than me and i was going to go over anyway so it was fine.

But then i saw the green head! She was by two lesbians and holding a camera at them! They were making peace signs at her to try and calm her down and stop her from killing them. 'Omfg that evil homophobe who is eviler than Homura and all da witches in da world combined is being evil at those lesbians!' I screamed on da inside. I summoned a grizzly bear and made it chase her and she dropped the camera and ran away screaming with da bear chasing her because shes a wimp.

'OMG my camera and also my cousin is being chased by a bear!' One of da girls said and had green hair.

'Dont worry she wont be homophobic at u anymore.' I said benevolently and went.

I went passed the hospital then and thought 'i will see if sayaka is there' and went in. Kamera jolt was there instead!

'Im sad because im partially paralysed and my career and hobby is ruined and im in horrible pain and ive got no more prospects in life.' He sadded and tried to off himself but couldn't because he couldnt get out of bed. 'Oh my god caramel theres starving children in Africa u kno. Check ur privilege.' I said and rolled my eyes because hed hurt Sayaka's feelings one time so he was bad. I thoght about leaving him hurt but im nice so i didn't.

'Since im here ill fix ur hand so u dont cry and get da pillow wet and maybe drown because u cant swim anymore.' I said.

'Wtf r u talking about u random crazy girl?' Kamimojojojo said all ungratefully but i fixed him anyway because im so nice. I knocked him out and operated on his arm which i can do because i know how to medicine because of my wish and i sewed da nerves and tendons and muscles and stuff up real good and his arm wasn't paralysed anymore.

'Cool.' I said and left.

Then i went and started going to mimis again. I walked and saw pretty plants and animals and the sun was shining and the birds were screaming and there were children playing and it was nice. But then it went dark because i was late and all da nice peeps and animals went and there was scary peeps and scary animals like snails around instead! 'Good thing i have super magic and am super strong or dis wood be scary!' I thought to myself philosophically. I wacked some more and then......I WACKED PAST A BUS STOP! And in da bus stop......there was............A REDHEADNETTE!

I gasped. 'OMG...THAT IS THE GIRL I SAW IN MY PREDICTION!' I screamed quietly so she didn't hear me. She was standing there eating an apple with pocky stuck in it violently. 'What shud i do?' I pondered. 'Maybe i should get Mami...... or maybe i should go and talk to her and fight her in case she wants to hurt my gf!' I didnt want to get mami in case da girl wanted to beat her up so i went to talk to her......BUT THEN!

'Hey why dont u and me go on a date?' A creepy guy said to her and was creepy.

'No thanks go away.' She said and went to go. But then the guy leaned at her!

'Hey u should totally see a movie with me and stuff!' He said.

'No dont lean at me, some one please help!' She wailed sacredly and fell over. I saw that she and everyone was too scared to help...so i took charge!

I ran over to da creepy guy and groobed his arm and got him in the face with one hand and smashed him through an advert board and said 'Hey u evil guy stop being sexist and bad! She doesnt like u so u shouldn't talk to her and also everyone hates u!' 'Damn u you super strong girl!' The bad guy said and crawled away bleeding all everywhere. Everyone in the bus stop stood up and clapped! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP they went and they cheered too. I bowed modestly. 

'Thank you for saving me.' Said the bricknette. 'But im stronger than u and i was just luring him into a false sense of security so i could beat him up even more than you did and also mug him.' 'Ok lol' i said. I could tell that she was lying and was actually too scared to do anything but i didnt say so because im so nice. Then i remembered why i was there! 'I have to cross examine her subtly,' i thought to myself.

'So are u from around here?' I said casually.

She got angry then. 'WTF im not gay why are you hitting on me?' She said angryly.

'OMG I wasnt hitting on u im already taken lol' i said.

She chilled out then. 'Ok good. Im from somewhere else but i came here to do something.' She said cagily.

'I see' i said. I could tell that i had to be real careful so she didnt get suspicious. 'BTW do u know any girls who drink lots of tea? Just wondering.' I asked cleverly.

But she saw through me! Metaphorically not literally cos I'm not invisible lol. 'Aha! I knew there was something superstitious about u!' She growled like a badger. 'Your a spy that Mami sent to spy on me and i bet you are gay too!' Then she turned into magic! She had a pointy stick and was red.

'OMFG we are both magical girls and shouldn't fight each other!' I tried to calm her, but she was too hungry and woodn't listen. She tried to stub me but i grabbed da stick with my hand and crushed it and it broke. Then i transformed and was even stronger and i groobed her neck and lifted her from the floor and chocked her until she passed out. 'You poor thing,' i said sadly because i dont like hurting peeps. I took her to a warehouse and tied her up and woke her.

'HEY WAKE UP YOU CRAZY VIOLENT GIRL WHO LIKES EATING POCKY AND APPLES AND STABBING PEOPLE WITH A STICK!' I screamed shaking her real hard.

'Wtf!?' She said and woke up. 'Why have u tied me up in a warehouse!? Are you some sick pervert!?'

'No lol i just didnt feel like beating u up so i had to tie u up instead.' I explained wisely. 'Anyways...WHY ARE YOU IN MIKITAKEHORA??? Are u going to beat Momi up because shes ur old senpai?????'

'Why would i beat ur mommy up u deranged nitwit!?' She said even angrier like.

'I said Mami not mommy.' I corrected her grammatically. 'So are u going to beat her up?? Cos if u are I'm going to beat u up real hard now so u cant.' I said scarily, cracking my knuckles and wearing a knuckle duster that i found on the floor and also drawing a picture of her all beat up and showing it to her.

'Lol ur funny.' She lolled and grinned cockily and showed a fang. 'But im not going to beat her up i just wanted to say hi and maybe friend her again.'

'Oh really? Sorry i strangled you and tied u up in a warehouse then lol.' I said and untied her.

'Its ok lol.' She said. 'Anyway im going to see Mami now bye.' She said and started to went.

I felt jealous then though! 'Wait are u going to hit on her in the gay way instead of the beating up way??' I asked her in despair.

'Wtf no im not fucking gay fuck off u stupid fuck!' She said. And then she went.

'Oh ok lol.' I said. Then i teleported to Mamis! 'Argh!' She said as i appeared from the air. 'Soz lol.' I said because i scared her and then we made out for ten minutes.

'Oh by the way i just saw your old kohigh. Shes coming here now to friend you.' I said and stuck my hand up her skirt and made out with her some more.

'Wait what?' She said with her hand on my boobs.

'Wtf are you doing being all gay with that weird girl Mami??' Said a voice from the door. It was...................................Cookie!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, what a cliffhangar!!!!! Whats going to happen in da next chappy!?!?!!!??? Will da bricknette start fighting with someone or maybe someone else will fight and will more gay stuff and also mysterious stuff happen!!!!!!!!????????? I dunno yet lol cos its in the future cos I havent written it yet and I cant tell the future lol.


	7. Kyoko has a GAY CRISIS!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some talking and angsting and angsty talking happens and some gay stuff too! And also some gay angsty talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup peeps heres da next chappie!!! This one is super serious and angsty so make sure u have a box of tissues next to you so you don't get da carpet soggy with all of da crying u do ok???? BUT!!! Apparently sum peeps think that Tachibana Tanaka is a Mary Sue???????? But shes not ok!?!?!?!?!? Tachibana Tanaka has FLOORS which will be explored soon! That means shes not a Mary Sue cos they're like perfect and Tachibanas pretty awesome and almost perfect but not quite so there!

Mami gasped. 'Keikaku! What r u doing here!?'

'I came to talk to u and maybe be friends again...but now i see that i have wasted my time! I can't believe u where gay all along u liar!' Cuckoo accused religiously.

'Now now, i didn't lie, i just didn't tell u whether i fancied girls or not.' Mami explained. 'Anyway, ur dad wasn't traditional so u shudn't even care.' She said.

'Yeah.' I agreed wisely.

'STFU u weird girl i bet u tricked her into being gay with u or something.' Ryoko glared at me. 'Piss off so i can talk to Mami by myself.'

I started to say 'ok lol' but Mami stepped in! 'Now listen hear Cocoa, we might be old friends and u r my kohigh but u cant just come in here and talk to me and my gf like that.' She said senpaily. 'Maybe u shud come back when u have clamed down.'

'Fine then, i will go and be straight somewhere!' Kyoku said and left.

Mami shocked her head sadly. 'Cookie is impotent. I can't beleaf it, especially when her dad was an alternative guy.' She mused. 'I wonder weather i can bring her around.'

'Dont worry, she'll stop being intolerant soon, ur her old senpai so she has 2!' I tried to cheer her...but i was lying! I knew that she wouldn't, because i cod tell something! I could tell that Kyoko had a secret......A GAY SECRET!

'I have to go and do something important but ill be back soon k?' I said.

'Oh ok.' Mami said sadly. I could tell that she didn't wont me to leave, but i had to! For the greater good lol.

I used my magic to find out where da bricknette was and teleported in front of her. 'Argh, a gay!' she screamed and made a cross at me.

'Or maybe......there are TWO gays???' I insinuated.

'Wtf i told u im not gay i'm actually super homophobic u stupid fuck fuck off!' She said like a person who was being defensive.

'But becos of my wish i can tell that u are gay!' I explained. 'So why are u pretending to be not gay??????'

'Wtf kind of weird ass wish is that u blithering ninny?' She garbled.

'Aha! U are deflecting me! That proves that u are gay!' I said spasmodically.

Kyoko started crying then. 'Omg, its true! I am a gay! I have failed the lord!' She cried and dropped to her knees and grabbed a cross and started hitting herself with it.

I put her in a head lock so she couldnt hurt herself anymore. 'Stop hitting urself with a cross u self flaggelating girl!' I cried, choking her sadly.

'Arhbugurgleahhck!' She said cos she was suffocating.

'Whoops soz.' I said and dropped her. 'Anyway, your dad didn't care about the gays so why are you a big homophobe???' I enquired.

'Because that is why!' Koala explaned. 'My dad didnt follow da bibble so noone licked him and then he went crazy and killed us all except me cos im magic! So now i follow the bibble properly so im not a crazy dude like him!'

'But did you know?? The bibble doesn't say anything about lesbeans! So u can be as lesbean with girls as u want!'

'What really?' She said and read the bible. 'Wow, ur right! Damn, i cant believe i was worried about stuff all dis time when theres no lesbians in the Bible!'

'And also! Some mainstream church guys say that gay dudes are fine too but i cant remember why so go google it or something.' I said.

'Ur pretty cool, so i believe u' The brick head shrugged. 'Well i feel better now.' She said and stretched and ate a pocky. 'Ill go and make up with mumi and then go and do some gay stuff.'

'Cool.' I said. We went back to Mamis and went into Mami's. 'Hey Mami im gay.' Cookie said gayly.

'Really? Wow who knew,' Mami said surprisedly. 'So r u not a homophobe anymore?'

'Nah.' Kyoko said. 'Hooray!' Said Mami and hugged her.

'I'm not gay for u though.' Kyosuke said platonically and hugged her in a not gay way.

'Thats good because i Louvre Tachibana and she is my gf.' Mami said.

'Neat.' Said Cuomo. 'So how have you been since i went?'

'I was lonely for a while but then Tachibana and also 2 girls called Madonna and Sayaka appeared and then i wasnt lonely anymore. Im still glad your back though.' Said Mami.

'Cool.' Said Kyoko. 'So you got any cake?' She asked hungarianly.

'You never change kokoro,' said the yellow head and giggled like a school girl which she was. She baked a cake but cookie ate it in one gulp so she had to make another to share. After we ate it i said something.

'U2 must have alot to catch up on so i will go to my house so you can talk alone.'

'K bye.' Said kayak.

Mami stood up and hugged me and kissed me too. 'Thank u for helping us. Kyoko was impotent, but now shes not because of you!'

'Its nothing lol and im glad ur happy to!' I lolled and then we made out for a while. Kyosuke rolled her eyes cos we made out for loads of time units and she ate the rest of da cake too.

'Bye.' I said. 'Bi.' Mami said back. And then i went. I wacked home and went in. I said 'hi' to mom and she said 'hi' back. Then I went upstairs and went into my room.

'Hi.' Said Kyubey. 'Oh hi I forgot about you.' I said back. 'What are u doing here? Did u find out more about that mysteerious girl who likes playing in tea cups and is evil?'

'No, Mami didn't want me at her house 2night cos shes talking to an old friend.' He shrugged. 'So ill stay here instead.'

'Ok' i said normally, but i did not feel nermal! I was worried and jeleasous instead. 'I hope Mami doesn't start making out with koala.' I thought angstily. 'No, Mami loaves me and would not betray our love because she is not that sort of girl.' I thot trying to convince myself...but i was still worried anyway because Kosovo was a new gay and said she was going to do gay things tonight and they had a history together.

I threw myself on the floor dramatically and started rolling around and gnashed my teeth on da carpet and beat it up and then rolled around some more.

'Wtf r u doing?' Said rubix.

'I'm sad because theres a new gay peep around and mami might start being gay for her!' I wailed and threw myself around some more.

Kyubey rolled his eyes. 'Well she wouldn't love u much or would have shallow feelings if she dumped u for a new model that fast so u would have dodged a bullet so it doesn't matter. Anyway if u love her u should trust her a bit so ur being a bad gf you weird human.' He explained.

I stopped thrashing around on da flour then. 'Oh yeah you're right! Thanks Scooby!'

'Sure.' Said Kyubey and went to sleep.

I loled and stopped worrying as much...but i was still jealous and warried because Kyoko is hot so Mami might notice because shes not blind.

'I shood set Ryoko up on a date so i dont need to angst and jealous anymore.' I thought. 'Yes, thats a great idea! I will send her on a date...a date with Madoka!'

Then i went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cookie's not a homophone anymore and is a gay too! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But Tachibana is jelose??????? OH NO!!!!!!!!!!! What will happen when she sets up Madoks and Koala up on a date!?!? Keep reading to find out!!!!!!!! P.S. Tachibana is jeloose even though she shudnt bee! That's a flaw which means that shes NOT a Mary Sue! So there (again)!!!!
> 
> PPS! Da thing which I write on is BROKEN!!! =( That means that there will be NO TACHIBANA TANAKA for a whole EXTRA MONTH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> But don't worry cos I'll write a super cool chappie to make up for it when I come back! Pls R and R k? Byesies for a while!!!


	8. Tachibana is jealous and plots some stuff!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tachibana is jealus about things and Sayaka thinks about a thing and Madoka does a bit too! Also Cookie eats a chicken and does sum other stuff and Mamis here to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG PEEPS IM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its been a supper long time so I hop u haven't 4got abot me! Since its been a while I wrote this chapter real hard and used a dictionary and a theasawrus and a list of words that u can use apart from went which I fondue on tumblr which is super useful! I have a tumblr now btw so if u want to c updates about if theres a chapter delay or sumthing u can look there and not here cos I cant post updates here becos u can only post chapters hear and if da chappies delayed I cant post it so u can read an update here and if there was a chppie 2 post u wouldn't need an update anyway so that woodnt make any sense! Btw my name on there is da same as here accept it has tumblr.com at da end of it lol!
> 
> Anyways heres da ne chapter! I hop u lick it!

I woke up and was jealoose. I gallivanted downstairs and ate my breakfast angstily, then flitted back upstairs and got dressed. I zoomed over to cubed and woke him up. 'Hey wake up.' I said and poked him. He woke up.

'Oh hi.' He said and stretched. 'Im still delicious so im going to make Madookie and Kukai date.' I announced. 'If you want.' He said and wafted out of the window and waltzed to someone elses house.

I lunged downstairs and put my shoes on and streaked to school. Hitomi was walking in front of me and was still homophobic and bad, so i made an angler fish bite her butt and she screamed and i rofled. I got to school then started angsting again when i saw Momi walking in front of me. I felled to my knees and screamed 'WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?' at da sky. Then i went inside.

I balleted into the room tragically. 'Madoka, Sayaka! Soomething has happened!' I cried.

'What lol?' Said Madoks.

'Mami's old kohigh came back and is a gay!' I said agonisingly. 'So now i am gel loose!'

Sayaka locked up and looked fishy. 'So does Mimi like her instead of you?' She asked hopefully (but i didnt know that!).

'I dont think so, but i worry that she will!' I screamed and threw myself onto the desks.

'Don't worry, ur super hot so Mami won't dump you!' Madoka said and tried to pull her bag out from under me.

'But you don't noo that!' I wailed and chewed on the desk.

Madoka got annoyed and hit me with her bag. 'Stop being jealous and eating the desk u degenerate!' She shrieked and hit me some more.

'Ow.' I said and sniffed.

'Thats better.'

'OMG Madoka you cant hit peeps like that, it's totally uncool and is also against the law and the law is important for societal cohesion!' Sayaka said like someone with a Lawful Good D&D alignment. 

'Yeah sure whatever.' Madoka said like a chaotic neutron.

'Anyway on a completely different subject from anything i just said,' i said deceptively, 'I found a girl who licks cake and stuff as much as u Madoka! Shes also gay. I will set u up on a date!'

Madoka gasped real long and loud and her eyes went big. 'A CHICK THAT LICKS CAKE AS MUCH AS ME!? UNPOSSIBIBBLE!' She screamed.

'Yeah i was surprised too.' I loled. 'So do u want me to set u up?'

'Heck yeah!' She shrieked and gave everyone a headache.

'Cool.' I said. Then i sat down and had a lesson. When the lesson finished i was going to go, but da monotonous girl teleported over the room at me and glared at me sadly!

'What do u want u tea cup riding girl?' I said and was angry because she escaped me and out trapped me that one time. Her mouth went down so she looked even sadder and annoyed than usual.

'Is it true that u are setting Madoka up with a date?' She asked with a swirling vortex of despair imbuing every syllable of her speech.

'Yeah, cool huh?' I said back.

'Oh ok.' She said and leapt out of the room.

'Shes polite for an evil girl,' i mused to myself. Then i gallumphed to da cafeteria. Mami was there! 'Hi Mami.' I said sadly. 'Hi.' She said back and smooched me. I smooched her back sadly.

'Do u want to go to the roof and ate something?' She axed me.

'Maybe tomorrow.' I said. 'K.' She said and went herself.

I threw myself out of a window screaming. 'WE ARE DRIFTING APART ALREADY!!!' I howled. I landed on da floor next to some bins. Cola was going through the bins and eating some food and saw me!

'Why'd u throw yourself outta da window?' She asked conversationaly and ate a chicken.

'No reason.' I shrugged because i didnt want to tell her why. 'Ur weird but i like you anyway.' She said and ate a squid. 'Want to go to da arcade and look at some hot chicks?'

'I will go to the arcade but i will not look at any hot chicks because i am monogamous and am dating Mami.' I reminded her. 

'Sure ok.' She said. Then we pranced to the arcade. There were games there! One of them was called Zombie Killing Game 5397. 'Lets shoot some mother bleepers!' Kyoko said and picked up a gun and shot some peeps. 'Ok.' I said and also shot some guys. We tried to shot more peeps than each other for a while, then we got bored and went to cars instead. I got into a car and revved da engine and it went VROOM VROOM VROOOOOM and started driving. Kyoko got into a car too and it was a bigger car and she made da engine vroom more and louder because she was overcompensating. We raced each other real fast and made other cars crash and explode and shot at each other and then raced each other some more but then we both crashed and da cars exploded. 'Lame.' Said Cookie and kicked the car. 'I'm hungry, lets get something to eat.' So we knifed over to a food place and ate some food. Koala ate twenty foods and then cut and run out of the food place so i had to pay. I hopped after her angrily.

'Hey u made me pay!' I frothed and shook my fist at her wildly. 'I'm homeless so i dont have any money though.' She said unrepentantly.

'Oh really? That sucks.' I said. I thought about telling Mami so that shed tell Kyosuke to live with her, but i was still too jealous so i didn't. 'Anyway i have to go back to school now. Bye.' I said. 'Bye.' She said back. Then i boogied back to school. I had lessons then the lessons finished and i started wacking home with the screaming pinkhead and the aoinette.

'I might make a wish for Karma Jellos hand.' Sayaka announced suddenly.

'WTF!!!!???!?!?!?' Madoka yodelled and smashed her bag into the floor. 'U are going to b a magic girl!?!? I hafta think of a wish too then!!!!'

'OMG Sayaka are u sure? You haf to think about it really careful so u dont egret it!' I opined.

'Yeah im sure.' She said. 'Oh ok.' I said back. 'Wattle you wish for Madoka?'

'I dunno lol. Maybe a cake!' She gurgled.

'OMG Madoka u can't just wish for a cake u hafta wish for something u can't get normally!' Sayaka declared.

'Ehhhhhh....ok then.' Said Madoka and drooled about cake some more.

Then a voice said something to us! 'Madoka do not wish u will regret it!' It said.

'OMG, who said that!?' I spazzed.

'Me.' Said the voice and i could tell it was up. I looked up. Homura was standing on a lamp post posing dramatically like an Autoscorer! She jumped down and flipped her hair. 'Oh my god Madoka i've told u a million times not to wish why do u never listen?' She said with a cloud of infinite depression radiating from her.

'But you've only told me not to like three times.' Madoka pointed out.

'Whatever.' Homura said gloomily. 'Anyway don't wish. Or you i guess.' She said and gave Sayaka the finger. Sayaka got even Angora than before!

'Hey who do u think you are u evil girl! U cant give me the finger and plot to kill us all so u can take over the world with your magic!' She said and grabbed the finger. Homura lifted her off the floor with her finger and rolled her eyes.

'I'm a magic girl so u cant beat me up u foolish human.' She explained. 'Also i'm not evil.' She afternoted. Sayaka swung from her finger and glared and swore at her and shook her fist and gnashed her teeth too.

Madoka jumped on the mysterious girls back and started screaming then.

'STOP FIGHTING EACH OTHER AND LETS BE FRIENDS AND BAKE CAKES AND GO ON PICNICS INSTEAD OF TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER YOU WEIRD SEXY GIRL AND MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND!!!!!!' She screamed and everyones ear drums exploded and we all went death.

'Arrrgh, my ears!' Everyone probably screamed but i don't know because we were all deaf and i couldn't hear them. We fell over and flailed around going 'ow' and Madoka fell over too cos she was on Homura and we were all in a heap and dizzy. Kyosuke walked past then and stared at us and then loled and stole Sayaka's wallet and walked away and Sayaka was so angry she passed out. My ears were fixed then because i have super magic and i stood up and looked at everyone. I rolled my eyes. 'OMG i can't believe u guys! Were in public u know, u cant just magic and talk about magic all over the place!' I said.

'Sorry.' Said Madoka rammishly.

'WHAT?'' Said Homura because she was deaf. Shes not as magic as me so she doesn't get fixed as fast. I grabbed Sayaka by da leg and pulled her from under them. 'You poor thing.' I said sadly and shook my head. I gave her CPR and she woke up and was still angry. 'THAT GIRL STOLE MY WALLET AND I'M DEAF!!!' She screamed real loud because she was deaf. 

'Sorry i made u deaf Sayaka.' Madoka said guiltily. 'WHAT?' Said Sayaka.

'I'M LEAFING NOW. STILL DON'T WISH MADOKA OR THINGS WILL HAPPEN THAT ARE WORSE THAN MIKI WHATSIT GOING DEAF!' Homora warned loudly. Then she moseyed.

'WHAT!?' Said Sayaka. I shrugged. 'I guess we should go home and analyse that mysterious girls mysterious warning.' I said to Madoka.

'Yeah okay.' Said Madoka but quieter than normal.

'WHAT?' Said Sayaka. We zipped to Mami's house and spurted in. Mami was there!

'Hi Mami, Sayaka's dead.' I explained wisely. Mami gasped.

'Oh no, how did that happen?' She asked.

'Madoka screamed too loud and exploded all of our ears.' I informed her.

'Good heavens you shouldn't do things like that Madoka its very rude.' She scolded her like a goose.

'Sorry lol.' Madoka said violently

'HI MAMI I'M DEAF.' Sayaka said.

'I no, Tachibana just told me.' Mami said.

'WHAT?' Sayaka said.

We sat down and talked about Homura.

'She said that bad things would happen if Madoks wished. WHAT COULD IT MEAN!?' I perpetuated.

'I don't know.' Mami informed me.

'Neither do I.' Said Madoka.

'WHAT?' Said Sayaka.

'Oh well, I guess it can't be helped. So how are you and Cuckoo doing?' I asked like an undercover detective.

'I love having my old coffee back, it makes me feel special. But not as special as i feel when im with u snooky!' She gushed.

'Oh thats great.' I said and pretended 2 be happy but was secretly jealous and sad. 'Any way, Cuckold stole Sayaka's wallet when she was smooshed under Madoka and Homura so u should tell her off.' I tattled.

Mami shook her head imperiously. 'I knew she was a rascal, but thats bad even for her. I will have to tell her off and make her give the wallet back.'

I loled on da inside and was less jealous. Madoka cackled insanely. 'Hahaha, i dunno who that girl is because i didnt see her, but i bet shes gonna get owned!' She rofled.

'I CANT TELL ANYTHING YOUR SAYING.' Sayaka informed us.

We talked for a bit except Sayaka and then i humped home. I jostled into my room and then thought 'I should set Madoka and the bricknette who eats up on a date now' so i summoned a pigeon. I wrote a note that said 'Hey Cookie I know a hot chick who loves food like you and wants a date. She's a gay too. If u want a date then write yes and send da pigeon back.' and tied it to da pigeons leg and sent him to find her. 44 minutes and 56 seconds later the pilgrim came back! 'Hi' I said but the pigeon didn't say 'hi' back because pigeons can't talk lol. I read the note he brought back and it said 'Sure OK.' 'Yeah!' I said and air fisted. I texted Kyoko and said 'When and where for the date?' and she texted back and said 'I dunno ask the other chick' so i did.

'Hey Madoka that girl i told u about wants a date so where and when do u want it?' I texted. 'COOL!!!!! Tomorrow at 1811 at da cafe by da fountain on the mainstreet.' 'K lol.' I said back and told Kyosuke and she said 'ok.'

'My nefarious plan is coming to fruition!' I roared triumphantly. 'I will go in disguise tomorrow and follow them to make sure it goes well so Korea wont hook up with my gf!' Then I did some homework.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG SUM DANGEROUS MACHINATIONS ARE OCCURING HERE PEEPS! Will Madoka and kyuku go on a date!? Will sayaka c Cookie and get mad and break sum stuff!? Will Mami found out that Tachibana is jealous!? Will Kyoko eat more food!? Will Sayaka keep being deaf!? I dunno lol I haven't wrote it yet. C u necks time!  
> PS Da Autoscorer that Homura was posing like was Da yellow one! I like her cos she's nice and throws money to donate at peeps even when she's fighting!


	9. Madoka and Kyoko go on a DATE!!!!!! And theres a witch and sumone else to!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madoka and Cookie date but its not good and Tachibana is there too and does sum stuff about it! Then Hitomi sucks and theres a witch......AND THEN A PLOT TWIST OCCURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again u guys!!!!! Im back with a new chappie (obviously or else u woodnt be reading this!)! This crappie was hard 2 rite, but I did it anyway cos im a hard core writer. Some MAJOR plot happenings happen hear so pay attention 2 what's happening ok!?!?

I was at school then school finnished and i left school and went to spy on Madoka and Khaki's date. I was wearing a sombrero and sunglasses and a big cloak which was medium green like da survey corpse as a disguise! I was hiding in a bush. It was 1811 and Madoka was waiting for Yoko. Cuckoo was 23 seconds late so Madoka was board and was throwing bread at peeps walking past and loling, but then Kyoko arrived. 'Don't waste food,' she glared and menaced at her.

'Oh hi lol.' Madoka said and shoved the rest of the bread in her mouth. 'Are you my date!?'

'Yeah,' said Kyoko and sat down. 'Sup?'

'THE SKY!' Madoka shrieked and cackled like a banshee and pounded on the table.

'Wtf?' Said Kosovo.

'I dunno about what the bleep, but i hope u didn't mean who the bleep cos ur not bleeping me on da first date cos im not that kind of girl lol!' Madoka chortled. 'And you'd better not be after someone else on our date cos that'd be lame and I'd leave and make u pay and maybe explode ur ears too!'

'Ur really weird,' Koala sed. 'Whats up with you??'

'MY HEAD!' Madoka yodelled. Then she got sirius! 'Sorry lol im just nervous. So where r u from!?'

'Not here.' Said Kyoko. 'What about you?'

'Over there!' Madoka shouted and pointed at her house but we couldn't see it because it was a while away and there were houses in front of it and we didnt have xray eyes even though we're magic.

'Oh cool.' Said kola. Then they couldn't think what to say and it was a hawk ward silence! 'This is bad,' i angsted, 'I might have to hypnotise them so they date properly!'  
Madoka took out a knife and made an airplane out of a baguette and threw it at Kyoko. Kyoko glared and opened her mouth and caught it and swallowed it. 'Stop desecrating food!' She snarled.

'Lol.' Said Madoka.

'Oh fiddlesticks, Madoka is too excitable! I haf to clam her down so she doesn't blow it!' I exclaimed. I picked up some morphine that i found on da floor and put it into some tranquilizer darts and shot one at her with a tranquilizer gun i found in a bush and it hit her neck.

'Ouchies!' She sqwarked. Then she chilled out. 'So anyway i hear ur a blurgulblarghuhhh.......' Then she passed out because i shot her with too many morphines. She flopped onto the floor and drooled on it.

Kyoko stared at her. 'Well this was something i guess. Bye you weird girl.' She said and tipped the buffets food into a big sack she'd bought. Then she frolicked home.  
'Oh no, i have missed my chance to make Koala date someone who is not Mami!' I sadded.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!' I screamed and stood up and raised my arms at the sky like they do in old movies and video games sometimes but i was still holding da gun so it was even dramaticer. I wacked out of the bush and hustled over to Madoka. 'Hey wake up.' I said and prodded her with da gun.

'Blurgh!' She said and was high. I rolled my eyes.

'OMG I can't believe u passed out on ur date u fool! Now i have to think of another plan!' I strapped da gun over my shoulder with a strap so it was on my back and picked Madoka up bridal style and carried her home. But the police fought i was kidnapping her! They shot at me a bit so i had to throw some white phosphorus that i found on da floor at them and it exploded and they ran away. Then i dropped Madoka on her step and runged the doorbell and fled.

I went home and jumped on my bed and cried. 'Now i will have to beat Kyoko up so she has an ugly face so mami wont date her!' I agonised tragically. 'I wonder where she is???????' I went back out and went to look for her. I was looking somewhere when i saw Hitomi! She looked even stupider and evil than normal.

'Oh hi, what r u doing out so late?' I said and got ready to make an animal attack her.

But she didn't say anything! She walked past and i saw that she had a funny mark on her neck! It was.........A WATCHES KISS!

'Gasp!' I said. 'There is a witch nearby! I should call da others and kill it!'

But then......I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING! 'If i kill it myself i can show how much strong and cooler i am than Ryoko and Mami will want to make out with me forever!' I plotted. So i followed Hitomi by myself. She went to a warehouse and there were other people too! 'Aw man, im gonna have to beat these peeps up real fast!' I grumbled. I went inside and they were getting ready to mix stuff together to kill themselves cos they were brainwashed and crazy.

'Hey stop killing yourselves you crazy guys!' I complained.

They got angry then! They whacked towards me and i got ready to fite! Hitomi tried to punch me in da stomach, but i spun around and kicked her in da stomach real hard and she flew away. Two dudes came from my left and one from behind me and i dropped down backwards onto my hands and spun around and swept their legs out from under them with my legs and they fell over! I jumped back up and a girl ran at me! She tried to groob me but i dodged to da right and grabbed her arm and pulled it behind her in a lock...but a dude was coming at me! I turned around with da girl still in a lock and pushed her at him real hard. They smooshed into each other and felled over! They tried to get back up but i kicked them both until they passed out. Da three guys that i kick swept were back up then. One of them ran to pick up a gun that was on da floor to shoot me with it, but i took off my sombrero and threw it at him and it had a sharp edge like that guys hat from da James Bond movie and it slashed his calves and he fell over! I backhanded the two guys that were trying to get me and made the gun fly over to me with telekinesis and hit one of the guys heads with it and he past out, then i slashed his belt buckle and pulled off his belt while he was falling to the floor and used it to choke the other guy until he was passed out as well! Then i strangled the other guy too.

'You poor peeps.' I said sadly, but i had to beat them up to stop them from hurting themselves, its not like i wanted to. 'Im not sorry about Hitomi though cos shes evil and deserves it...wait a second, where is she!?' I exclaimed. I turned around. Hitomi was there! And she was standing real close! And she had a morning star! 'Aw man, this is gonna hurt! Good thing i can regenerate real fast and wont be hurt for more than a minute!' I ponificated. BUT THEN!

'Hey whatcha doing!!!!!!??????' A voice shrieked from behind Hitomi. It was......Madoka!

'Watch out Madonna, Hetomi is even badder than normal and has a witches kiss!' I explained.

'REALLY!?!?!? OH NO!!!!!!' Madoka gnashed. 'Don't worry Hitomi, i'll save you! Put em up! Hyaa! Ha! Jaoooooo!' She said and made karate fists and started karate chopping Hitomi. 

'GRRRRR!' Said the greenhead like a zombie and started slapping at Madoka. Madoka punched her in da stomach then and when Hitomi was hunched over she slammed her elbow down real hard on Hitomi's head and she passed out.

'Sorry Hitomi!' Madoka loled.

'What are u doing here anyway Madoka?' I axed.

'I woked up and my date was gone and i was outside for some reason and my date was gone and i didn't know what happened and i didnt have her number or name or anything so i went to look for her but then i saw you and decided to ask you and i followed you here and all this happened!' She explained and waved her arms.

'Oh that's weird. I don't know what happened though,' I lied. 'Good thing you're here though, I was almost doomed for a minute!' I rofled.

'Lol,' Madoka said back.

We looked for da witch then. I ewesed my soul jam as a magic witch detector like Mami did and it went 'beep boop' and pointed at a door. 'The witch must be behind this door. Wait here Madoka who isn't magic!' I proclaimed.

'Ok lol,' Madoka said and picked her nose.

I kicked the door and made it fall off da hinges and cartwheeled into da room. I looked around with my eyes. I couldn't see anything at first...but then i saw a TV! It was an old TV so it was like a box and only old people still have them. 'Lol what a lame TV,' I loled...BUT THEN!

'RGUGRBVREQORGERUBVB,' said the tv and was creepy and had static. I gasped.

'OMG, the witch is in da TV!' I said. Then i got sucked into it.

I felled down through a vortex and the animation was weird but a different kind of weird than the other times. 'Cool.' I said.

Then i saw some small TV's which were also like boxes! They were being carried by weird things that looked like angels but ugly and they were showing horrible things at me! Like Mami making out with Kyoko and me failing a theoretical physics test and also everyone i know dying horribly!

'Ew nasty!' I screamed and transformed into a magical girl. I flew forward and grabbed an angle and breaked its neck and then squeezed it real tight so it exploded and the blood which was like oil went all everywhere and covered the TV screens. 'Thats better.' I said and killed all of the others by grabbing the tvs and swinging them around real hard by the cables and hitting them with them. Then only da witch was left! I picked up a TV and got ready to go beat her up until she was super dead.......but then I heard a noise! 'Whats that noise?' I asked.

'Its me!' Said a voice. It was............SAYAKA! She was a magical girl now. She was blue and white and had handcuffs and also a cape too. There was a police siren on her head which went WEE WOO WEE WOO like sirens do in a police chase and it was flashing red and spinning too. She flew at da witch and arrested it with her handcuffs. 'Your under arrest!' She said and put its arms behind it.

I picked up a piece of wood and ran over and bludegeoned it with it. 'Hahaha, take that!' I loled erratically.

'Hey u cant beat up a suspect in handcuffs, thats police brutality! Yule cause a mistrial which wood be a blow to public safety!' Sayaka complained at me.

I shrugged and didnt care. I beat it up sum more and was pretending it was Kyoko cos i was in a bad mood after seeing Mami cheating on me with her on tv even tho it wasnt reel. I kicked it a bunch, then i kicked it to hard accidentally and it exploded and died! 'Whoops sorry lol!' I said but i was only a bit sorry.

'Darn, u killed my 1st arrested peep! How am i going to explain this to my supiriors!?' Sayaka gurgled and her siren was still flashing and WEE WOOing.

'But u dont have any supiriors.' I informed her wisely.

'Oh yeah.' she said. 'But its still bad becos of the principal of it so dont do it again ok?????????' she said.

'Ok fine.' I said back. Then the ammunition went back to normal and we were in the room again. Madoka was there too.

'OMG I CANT BELIEF YOU'RE A MAGIC GIRL NOW TOO SAYAKA!!!!' I screamed. 'WHAT DID U WISH FOR!'

'YEAH SAYAKA OMG OMG OMG WTF OMG!!!!!!' Madoka bellowed.

Sayaka put her hands behind her head and did that expression she did once in the anime. 'I was gonna wish for camel toes hand, but it got better already somehow! I fought about not wishing but i would've felt stupid not wishing when i sed i wood so i wished to be a hero of just tits instead!'

'Oh yeah i 4got to tell u that i fixed Karamel Gojis hand.' I said.

'You r da one that fixed his hand!? OMG ur the best girl ever Tachibana Tanaka!' Sayaka cried and hugged me.

'Lol,' i said. Madoka hugged us too cos she felt left out.

'AHEM!' Said a voice that wanted to interrupt us. My head spun around and i saw someone! It was.........Remora!

'Oh its you. Want do you want, Agaymi Homora?' I said cleverly. 'Are you here to be evil again?'

'I told u, im not evil, UR evil!' She said. 'Anyway, i sensed a witch and came to kill it and make sure Madoka wasnt contracting. Don't contract Madoka!'

'I'll think about it,' Madoka shrugged. Then she had an idea! 'I'll think about it more if u buy me an ice cream!' She blackmailed.

'Very well,' said Homosexual.

'Neat! Bye guys!' Madoka cheered.

Sayaka growled. 'Wait Madoka u cant go with her shes a creepy chi-'

'Byesies!' Madoka wailed and left.

'Damn, they're too far away to stop them!' I moaned. 'Oh well I'm sure she'll be fine. Lets go before the peeps i knocked out wake up!'

'Ok.' Said Sayaka and we shimmied back home after i picked up a grief seed and purified Sayakas soul gem with it. I don't knead one yet cos I'm so super magic and pure hearted.

'Night lol.' I said and was outside her apartment.

'Night.' She giggled and was red and squealed and pranced inside and spun around a bit too.

I skipped home and climbed up through my window so mom didnt know i was out late. 'Hey cubed i have a grief seed come eat it!' I said but he wasn't there.

'Oh well.' I said and ate it myself. Then i went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!! SAYAKA IS A MAGICAL GIRL!!!!! Who saw that coming!? If u did then ur a genus! Congratulation! 2 bad that Madoka and Kayaks date was bad... but maybe theyll try agin????????? Or maybe they'll just date sum peeps else lol! Maybe Madoks will date Homunculus????????? Keep reading if u want to know how da ships turn out!!!!!! And also everything else.


	10. Sayaka and Cockatoo have a big fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tachibana and Mami are sad cos of sum lovey stuff and Madoka isn't dead and Sayaka and Koala kill each other kind of!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfg its been 3 months since I updated!!!!!??????? I fought that it was only 2 witch wood have been bad anyway! Soz peepers, I was super busy with some mysterious stuff IRL! Also I didn't say it'd be late on my tumble dryer bolg cos I stopped ewesing it cos it was full of weird peeps augmenting about weird stuff all da thyme and I didnt lick it. Anyways, heres a supper exiting chappie with lots of plot happening to make up for it being late!

I toked up. I glissaded downstairs and mom was there. 'What have u been doing just lately? Is it something mysterious?' she asked suspiciously and in Japanese.

'No-ooooooooooo.........I have being dating Mami lots.' I lied because normal peeps dont believe in magic.

'Oh ok.' She said and went to make breakfast.

'Phew, that was close!' I sweated. 'I will have to be super careful from now on!' I got going into da kitchen and ate some food which was English/Japanese fusion cuisine. It was ramen with a pork pie and a potato stuck in it. There was some bread too. Kyubey came into the kitchen then. 'Hi,' he said. 'Hi,' I said back. 'U weren't here last night so i ate da grief seed for you!' I said proudly. Kyubey rolled his eyes. 'Humans aren't supposed to do that so u shouldn't have done that.' He said wisely. 'But since you're not a normal human i guess u'll be ok and won't die maybe.' He said.

'Oh ok lol.' I said sheepishly. I vibrated my hand real fast like Da Flash and stuck it in my stomach and pulled da Grief Seed out. 'Here eat this.' I said and shook the ramen off and Kyubey ate it with his back. Then he waddled into the living room and i ducked out upstairs to get ready for school. When id gotted ready i went to say bye to mom, but i saw something! Kyubey was sitting on a shelf watering my mom! I glared at him menacingly. 'Hey what are u doing at my mom? Are you being a creepy dude and are going to hit on her!?' I psychiced at him.

Kyubey rolled his eyes. 'Im not hitting on your mom, i am observing non magic humans in their natural habitat. Its my job to watch hummingbirds so i have to do it.' He explained. 'Oh ok.' I said. 'Bye mom.' I said. 'Sayonara.' She said back. Then i buggered off to school.

When i was going to school i saw Sayaka. 'Hi Set.' I said. Sayaka went red and said 'hi' back. We wacked to school together. I hoped we'd see histamine so i could make another animal attack her but we didn't see her. 'Hey wheres Hitomi?' I asked.

'She's off today cos she almost got killed by the Witches Kiss.' Sayaka remanded me. 'Oh yeah lol.' I said. 'Oh well maybe next time.' i thought to myself mysteriously.  
Then Madoka appeared! 'Hi guys!' she screamed quietly.

'Lol it's ok Madoka, u can't make me go deaf anymore now that I'm magic.' Sayaka said.

'Really!? OH THANK GOD!!!!' Madoka screamed super loud and broke some car windows and made us go deaf for a while.

'I'm glad u weren't killed or kidnapped by that evil chick Madoka.' Sayaka said sadly.

'Aw she's okay!' Madoka said. 'She brought me some ice crem and then some more ice cream and a cake too!' she cheered.

'I bet it was cheap generic brand ice cream.' Sayaka said angryly.

'I dunno about that but it was good lol.' The pinkhead said. 'I wish id gone on a date with her instead of that chick who disappeared on our date.' She said.

'OMG u went on a date!?!?' Sayaka goggled. 'Give us the deets!'

'Well first i was throwing some bread at peeps cos i was bored, then this chick with red hair came and told me to not waste food, then i told her the sky was up and so was my head, then i asked her where she was from and it was not here and i come from over there, then i made a plane out of a baguette and threw it at her and she swallowed it and told me not to desecrate food, then i passed out and woke up at home!' Madoka expounded.

'OMG u passed out!? What why!?' Sayaka exclaimed.

'I dunno lol.' Madoka said.

'I don't know either.' I added.

'Oh well.' Said Sayaka.

Then Mami was there! 'Hi Tachibana,' she said lonelily. 'Do u want to walk to school together?'

I was filled with despair! 'Maybe tomorrow,' I said with a thousand knives piercing my hat.

'Oh okay,' said Mami. Then she evaporated.

'OMG Tachibana why did u not want to go to school with ur gf!?' Sayaka asked.

'Because! I think she does not really want to but is making herself and she really wants to go with Kyoko instead!' I informed them.

'Oh maybe ur right.' Sayaka said to make me jealous (but i did not know that!).

'Naaah, you're just being 2 gel loose! U should tell Miami about it and deal with your relationship issues!' Madoka said.

'Or i could beat Koala up until shes ugly and Mami wont date her!' I schemed.

'Or that i guess.' Madoka said.

'Thats illegal!' Sayaka complained. 'I'll handcuff u if u do that!'

'But I'm the strongest so u couldn't,' i told her like a person who was too influential to be arrested and could bribe police and judges or kill their families and stuff but only metaphorically cos I'm nice so i wouldn't do something like that.

'Oh yeah.' She moaned and gave up.

Then we were at school. Karamel dansen was there! 'Hi.' He said and was on crutches.

'Hi.' I said back.

'Wait do i know u?' He said looking at me.

'No.' I said shiftily and put my sunglasses and sombrero on so he didn't recognise me.

'Oh ok.' He said. 'BTW my hands fixed now, pretty cool right Sayaka?'

'Yeah.' She said. 'Anyway bye.'

'Bi Sayaka.' He said and gimped into school.

'Hey Sayaka i thought u wanted to bang him!?!?!?' I queried. 'Why didn't u hit on him then!?'

'For reasons.' She said evasively. Then we skyrocketed into da classroom. The black haired coal tressed ravenette was there!

'Hi sexy!' Madoka screamed and waved at her.

'Hi.' She glared back.

'Ew.' Sayaka said. Homunculus scowled at her.

We sat down and schooled. When it was lunch we went to da roof but not Homura. Mami was lying in wait for me. 'Hi,' she said. 'Hi,' I said back.

'Do u want to ate together?' she asked sadly.

'Sorry I got a botulism just now, ow my stomach!' I wailed suddenly.

Mami glued at me. 'Are you avoiding me on purpose!? I don't beleaf this! I'm going somewhere else to eat where you aren't,' she said. Then she hopped downstairs angrily.

'OMFG, she hopped away right away and doesn't really want to ate with me even though she pretended she did! She is sexing Kosovo behind me after all!' I howled.

'Oh well, now u can get a new gf!' Sayaka consoled me and stared at my boobs. Madoka punched her.

'No stupid she was angry cos u r avoiding her! You should go talk to her and say sorry for being not here.'

I sniffed. 'But what if she is being gay with Kyoko!?' I gnashed.

'Wtf I already told you like five times I'm not gay for Mami you stupid prick!' said a voice. I looked around. Kyoko was on all fours eating the moss on da roof and glaring at me! Then she turned around and ate a lichen.

'Oh hi.' I said. 'Are you really not having an affair?'

'No I'm not I'm a bachelor and am going to be gay with like 2000 girls who aren't Mami.' she said and threw a chicken bone at me and missed. 'I've had to listen to Mami crying about u for the past two days and it's annoying so fix it so I can watch TV without her crying at me so I can hear what theyre saying!' she growled. Then she turned around and gave me da finger.

'OMG ur that chick i dated for five minutes!' Madoka shrieked. 'Hisies!!!!!'

'Aw man not u again!' Kyoko whined. 'Go be weird somewhere else!'

'Lol ur funny!' Madoka loled.

But then! 'HEY, YOUR THAT GIRL WHO STOLE MY WALLET!!!!!' Sayaka screamed and went red and started frothing at the mouth.

'Oh its you.' Kyoko sniggered. 'Man you people are really weird.'

'I'LL KILL YOU!' Sayaka screamed and transferred.

'What ur a magic girl too? Wow Kyubeys got bad standards now.' Kyoko loled and ate a pocky and transformed too.

'Why are u a magic girl magicing is supposed to be about justice but ur bad!' Sayaka said and tried to stub her with her siren. 'No its not,' Kyoko retorted and spun her stick around and swept Sayaka's feet out from under her and tried to stamp on her balls but Sayaka didn't have any balls so it didn't work and Sayaka was even angryer. She jumped up and took out her handcuffs and said 'I'm going to arrest you!' and hit Kyoko with da handcuffs but it didn't do anything and Kyoko rofled. Then Sayaka pulled out longer handcuffs and unlocked them and swung them around like a chain whip and Kyoko was still rofling so she didn't see it combing and it hit her in the nose. 'Wtf screw u!' she said and got angry and stopped rofling and made her stick go like a chain whip too and chain whipped it and da handcuffs got tangled in it and Kyoko threw them at Sayaka and broke her little toe.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!' Sayaka screamed and fell over and checked her phone for a litigation guy.

Then the blue head jumped up and jumped forwards and down and tried to take Cuckolds legs out from under her, but Coconut was a good fighter and knew what she was doing and sidestepped and grabbed her arm and lifted her up by it and smashed her into da floor!

'Ow.' said Sayaka.

'Whoa that's brutal.' Madoka gawked and ate some popcorn.

'Ur costume gives me a headache with the flashing and the WEE WOOing and i hate it so I'm gonna beat u up even harder!' Kohai growled.

Kyosuke straddled Sayaka's torso and started punching her face with both hands real fast and hard and Sayaka was getting real beat up.

'Oh no this is bad. I should do something.' I thought. 'BUT WHAT!?!?' I pondered.

Then Madoka did something! She threw a popcorn next to Kukai's head and the bricknette snapped her head around and caught it and ate it. 'Wtf have I told u about food u stupid pink fluffball!?!?' She growled.

'Whoops soz. Look what i already did though!' Madoka snorkled. There was a popcorn trail on da floor leading to da edge of the roof where Madoka was standing. 'God damn it!' Kyoko gnashed and started crawling along the trail eating da popcorn. When she was at the end Madoka said something! 'Hey look at this bag of popcorn which is open!' she said. Then she threw it off the roof and bits of popcorn went all everywhere.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO0000OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!' said Kyoko and threw herself off the roof snapping her mouth to catch as many popcorns as she could. Then she fell on the floor and breaked her neck and died.

'Lololololol! And once again the day is saved! BY ME!' squawked Madoka. It was ok because she knew that Kyoko would be fine soon because of magic.

'Hey nice work Madoka.' I said and highfived her. We boogied over to Sayaka who was all smooshed up and dead. Her siren still wasn't broke though and it was still spinning and flashing and wee wooing. 'Whoa thats messy.' I said. 'But don't worry, she'll rejuvenate soon so we should just leave her for now.'

'Ok lol.' Said Madoka. 'Byesies Sayaka!' she shrieked and waved at her but Sayaka didn't wave back because she was dead. Then we scurried back to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh darn, Mami is mad at Tachibana! Will they make up???????? Or will they.............BREAK UP!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????!?!?!? Also, will Sahara and Cookie killed each other again and will Homosexuality do some angry stuff????? Tune in necks month to find out!


	11. Tachibana Tanaka gets BROKEN UP WITH!!!!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayaka stops being dead and Tachibana Tanaka makes a poem and Koala does sum annoying stuff at Sayaka when shes also not dead and Mami is mad at Tachibana Tanaka for reasons and says its over and Madoks thinks everyone's gone nuts which they have kind of but not really except for Sayaka who goes insane and bites an arm off. Homura isn't here again though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG u guys!!! Its been a year since I posted da thirst chappie of this fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is so amazeballs!!!!!! Im super soz that I haven't been wroting it just lately, its becos I've been super busy in da real world!!! I dunno how fast da updates will be until next year when theyll be faster again but I will never give up writing!!!! My professor says im even better than that dude who used to shake spears so im going 2 b a super famous author 1 day I bet!!!!!!!!!! Theres a lot of drama and action in this chappie so fasten ur suitbelts and enjoy it!!!!!

We did a bunch of lessons until school finished, then we loped up to da roof to see if Sayaka was still dead. She wasnt still dead! 'Hi.' Me and Maddona said. 'Hi.' The not dead aoinette said back.

'I CANNOT BELIEVE I WAS DEFEATED BY THAT EVIL LAW BREAKING GIRL!' She screamed in capital letters. 'I WILL FIND HER AND ARREST HER AND JUDGE HER AND DEATH SENTENCE HER!!!'

'Hey that'd be good for me.' I thot to myself. 'Yeah she looks real evil. Ill hemp u find her.' I said.

'Aw, i don't want to kill her, shes funny! Lets try and be friends with her instead and make her not break the law!' the pink head said.

'NO I WILL KILL HER!' angered Sayaka.

'Oh fine,' gloomed Madoka.

We went to see if she was still a dead in the valley, but she was gone! She'd ated all of da popcorn on da floor before shed gone though.

'Grrr! I will find u wallet stealing girl!' Sayaka threatened at the air and shook her fist.

'Anyway, we should go hunt some witches tonite.' I said.

'Oh yeah i guess. Shud we bring Mami too?' Sayaka expressed.

A trillion shards of ultra cooled ice crystals penetrated my soul and swirled around my heart like an evil slushie being spun by despair!

'No, i must find out the truth behind this tragedy first!' I monologued. 'If she doesn't love me instead of Cookie i will build a rocket with theoretical physics and fly into da sun! And die.'

'Oh ok.' Said Sayaka. 'See u later then.'

'Byesies!' Madoka shrilled.

Then i was alone on da roof. There was still blood everywhere so i made it rain which i can do cos i wished to be good at lots of things and it was washed away...LIKE MY HAPPINESS! When i thought Mumi was cheating on me. I decided to write a poem to express my sorrow.

'Mami leaving would be bad,  
It would make me very sad  
So very sad that i wood cry  
And maybe even want to die  
I hope she doesn't disappear like my dad  
Who mysteriously disappeared when i was a baby which makes me sad.' I angsted existentially

When id finished i galloped downstairs and rushed home until it was time to hunt watches. I rumbled to meet Sayaka and Madoks at a spooky plaice which was a factory that was abbadoned.

'Hi.' I said. 'Hi.' The pink and blue heads said back.

'Lets go beat sum witches up!' I proclaimed. 'Ok.' Said Sayaka. We chugged inside da spooky platinum and looked for things to kill. We looked real hard and found a flying crayon drawing riding an aeroplane!

'I will arrest it!' Sayaka ejaculated and tried to handcuff it. But it flewed away! 'Get back here and stop resisting arrest!' Sayaka bellowed. It was getting away, but i threw a pipe at it and stabbed it in place! Sayaka handcuffed it and i pulled the pipe out and smoked it a bit, but then i remembered that smoking is bad for you and stopped.

'Ur under arrest for being an evil thing! U have da rite to remain silent and stuff!' Sayaka declared.

'Fnexfjodndnwe!' Said da witch.

BUT THEN! A chain whip came and broke da handcuffs in 2 and da witch flew away!

'OMG WTF JUST HAPPENED!' I screamed.

'I did!' Said a bricknette. It was.............Kyosuke!

'YOU! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS AND STEALING MY WALLET AND STUFF!' Sayaka screamed and went red and the blood vessels in her eyes popped so she looked super scary.

'Aw man, Sayaka's gone nuts! It happens sometimes.' Madoka explained and complained.

'Too bad.' I said and watched Kosovo and Sayaka try to kill each other lots. I wanted to stop them kind of, but it was funny so i also didn't.

'RARRRBLUGLEBUGH!!!!' Sayaka screamed hungryly and picked up a chainsaw and revved it a bunch and tried to disembowel Kyosuke. But da redheadnette bit it in half with her teeth and jaws wich r super strong cos she eats so much pocky! Then she loled.

'Haha, i made ur witch get away cos i dont like u!' She loled. Sayaka got a nosebleed and two earbleeds as well as her eyebleeds cos she was superduper angry!

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!' She screamed and pucked up an ax and threw it at koala but missed cos cookie sidestepped. 

'Haha you suck.' Kyoko sneered and flashed a cocky grin. Then she pulled out a shotgun and got ready to shoot at Ssyaka...BUT THEN!

'Now whats all this magical ruckus?' A sage voice said. It was.........Mami!

Clouds of despair swirled in my brain like a chemical leak at an understaffed and disrepaired factory situated in a locale that isn't politically expedient to care about.

'Hi momi.' I said sadly...BUT SHE IGNORED ME! I gasped and fell to da floor and clutched my heart, which was being squeezed like a fig being eaten by an orangutan.  
'Now listen here you two, i dont want you beating each other u-' 

'BLAAAARGH!' Sayaka said and bit da redheadnette when she was looking not at her.

'Ow wtf!?!?!?' Said Kyoko and tried to pry her off with a crowbar but Sayaka kept bitting her! She bit her loads and loads and cookie tried to hit her off with da crowbar but Sayaka bit her arm off!

'Argh, my bleeping arm!' Kyoko howled. Sayaka picked up da arm and started beating her up with it real hard and it was messy. I didn't care though cos i was sad about Mami ignoring me. 'OMFG DO SOMETHING ONE OF YOU MAGIC PEEPS!' Madoka said.

'Good heavens, this is utterly barbaric.' Mami frowned. 'Stop that at once Miki-san.'

'RAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!' Said Sayaka and tried to pull Kyoko's leg off. I got worried that shed try to eat Mami next, so i did something! I used telekinesis to make sum glass panels stick Sayaka in a box and welded the edges shut so she couldn't get out. 

'ARRRRGH! ARRRRGH! WAAARRRRRGGGUUUBBBLLLUUURRGGGHHHGLE! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!' Said Sayaka and beat on da glass loads to try and get out so she could kill Kyoko some more.

'Wtf that chicks nuts and a cannibal!' Kyoko accused.

'What no shes not.' I retorted wisely. 'She didn't eat u she spat u out so shes not a cannibal at all ok?'

'Oh ok. But shes still nuts.' Koto conceded. 

'No shes not shes just passionate about her job.' I defended.

'Yeah what she said kind of.' Madoka agrode.

'God ur so judgemental.' I said and rolled my eyes. 'But ill fix ur arm anyway i guess.' I picked up da arm and sewed it back on and stuff so everything was alright... ACCEPT FOR MAMMAL IGNORING ME!

'Hi Mami.' I said again and waved at her tragically. She glared at me!

'Oh so ur not ignoring me now!?' She said irritatingly and sadded.

'Yeah u stupid white slash rainbow like a pearl haired girl!' Kyoko said and gave me da finger with da arm that was just bit off, which she could only do cos i sewd it back on, so frankly i thought she was very ungrateful.

'I wasn't ignawing u Mumi, i was just real busy.' I defended sadly.

'Well it FEELS like ur ignoring me! At this rate we might as well just brake up!' She said with a single crystalline tear rolling down her cheek and falling on da floor.

I gasped in horror. 'BREAK UP!?' I exclamed also in horror.

I was filled with the most cavernous expanse of loathsome despair, the likes of which can scarcely be comprehended by the minds of men of even the most learned of dispositions, that which escapes the individual that experiences it and adopts a form of its own, swirling restlessly and ceaselessly through the night air on those dates which are known to be cherished by young lovers most of all, wailing against the shutters of sleeping couples, filling even the most rational of them with the creeping fear that what disturbs their sleep may not truly be wind, but instead a warped, grotesque, baleful manifestation of the deepest depths of human agony!

'Im sorry baby dont brake up with me! I was only avoiding u geckos i was worried! Worried that..............................YOU MIGHT LIKE KYOKO MORE THAN ME! IN THE GAY WAY!' I cried in desperation.

Mami gasped and clutched her chest dramatically. 'What!? How cud u think such a thing!?!? What do u think i am, shallow!? I cant beleaf u were jealous about my old kohigh coming bak even tho i said how happy i was that we werent estranged anymore and how she didnt make me feel as special as u! U are being very problematic Tachibana Tanaka!' She wailed angstily.

'But DO u like her in the gay way?' I asked hopelessly.

Then Mami slapped me and ran away crying! I fell over when she slooped me and wailed and gnashed my teeth and rolled around on da floor and got blood all over my clothes and ruined them.

'Ok im going now. Maybe ill go b gay with Mami lol. Not really though cos im a bachelor and not gay for her. Bye.' Kyoko said. Then she absconded.

I cried loads and loads and loads, then i stopped crying and sat sadly. Madoka patted my shoulder. 'There there.' She said. 'Dont worry, shell forgive u if u say sorry lots of times and grovel and dont do it again. Or maybe she wont and yule be alone forever and die alone, I dunno lol.' She mused thoughtfully.

I sniffed and blew up my nose and stood up. 'Ur right.........i have to go and talk to her! Tomorrow when shes maybe not so angry though.' I said. Sayaka wasnt nuts anymore so i let her out.

'Damn i cant believe u stopped me from executing that evil girl in da name of da law!' The bluehead complained. 'Next time i will arrest her for shore!'

'Ok lol. But anyway, i have to go and wrote a speech to say to mami so she stops being mad. Bye.' I said.

'Bye.' She said back.

Then i wormed home and did what i said. Cubed was there!

'Hi Kyubey.' I said like a person who was sad. 'Mamis mad at me so im trying to make her not mad at me.'

'Whys she mad?' He asked.

'Cos i asked her whether she was gay for Kuomintang instead of me.' I said sadly.

Kyubey rolled his eyes. 'I told u so.' He said.

I hugged my knees and spun around on my chair in despair. 'What shud i do to make her not angry!?!?' I wailed.

'I dunno, buy her some flours or something.' He shrugged.

'But she didnt say that she wasnt gay for cookie in da end, even if cookie isnt gay for her! What shud i do!?'

Kyubey rolled his eyes again. 'Stop making me have eye strain.' He said. 'Dont u get it yet? Shes mad cos u didn't trust her, so u have to trust her to not cheat u or ur relationship is doomed anyway.' He explained. 'I no this cos i watch humans all the time.'

'Oh ok.' I said...then i started thinking!

'Wait a minute... could it be that im wrong!?' I thought in astonishment (cos im always right about stuff lol). 'Could it be that......Mami isnt wanting to cheat on me!? And is upset cos i didnt beleaf her!?!? Oh no! I was too jealoose and ruined everything!'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' I screamed and felled to my knees and cried. Then i stopped crying and writ a speech.

'Dearest darling emoluments, im sorry i was being a bad gf and didnt truce you. U r da light of my life and if u dump me i will be consumed by darkness and disrepair and die from sadness. Please take me back and i promise to stop being gel loose and be a good gf. Love Tachibana Tanaka.'

'That should make her take me bak!' I said not sadly anymore. I teleported in front of her door and posted da letter, then i tumbled home and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darn this stuff is getting messy now! Will Mami and Tachibana get back 2gether??? Will Sayaka bite sumone elses arm off??? Will Kilimanjaro get sent 2 jail??? Will Madoka andor Homura do sumthing??? Yule have 2 weight and sea!!!! Because you'll only know when the next chappies out. PS they broke up becos Tachibana Tanaka was wrong about stuff! This is PROOF that she's not a Mary Sue, so there!!!!


End file.
